today marks the first day of Ramadhan, a month of holy and all goodness shall be repaid in its own way, insyAllah. i have always like this month of the year in the Islam calender. last year, i felt it alot but this year i dont feel the same way. last year, i wasnt hyped about Raya. that feeling is still stagnant, never change. i wasnt hype about doing terawih. i didnt do it today. i hope i get the strength and eagerness to face Him. ive done so much.

i finish my book on The Tapertries (i wonder if i spell it correctly). i borrowed it jus last week and i finished it. now i got nothing to do during my journey to and from work in the train. today was horrible. i had to stand all the way to Kallang and all the way back to Woodlands!! Singaporeans are really something. really. a pregnant lady or an old elderly can be standing in fornt of them and they can jus pretend to sleep!! i hope God repays your deeds when your wife turns pregnant in the future!

to you i say,
stop tormenting her.
to you i say,
stop giving her hopes and dreams.
to you i say,
be gone and never come back.
to you i say;
fuck off! your time has end.

give me your hand.
i want to tell you that i love you.
even if you're not with me and found happiness somewhere,
you will always be in my heart.
i couldnt bear to see or hear you get hurt.
nevertheless, i couldnt do anything because you dont allow me to.
so i shall stand here in the rain,
just watching you bear the pain.
how my heart aches,
for i couldnt be a helping hand.
i want to make it better.
i'd give the world to you.
how i want to make you realise that its been there in front of you,
just waiting for you to reach it.
but you were too afraid.
afraid that it wouldnt be okay,
that everything will go all wrong,
and you'd be back to square one.
the words you utter doesnt make sense to your actions.
i am a friend.
and i'd rather hurt you then see anybody else do.
this is as honest as i will get.
and i hope you get to read this.
you are like your mother.
so stop and think, before you get any worse.
"you wont be like you mother/father"
you are acting like one, mama.

you were doing fine.
till i lost track of you.
you were having fun.
i didnt want to stop you.
then it start to get worse.
one after another.
you start to lose control.
let your emotions take control.
now i've really lost you.
you didnt seem to want to come back.
your body is here, yes.
but your heart, mind and soul drifts to liebe.

i do not hate him i dont. its you i hate. what are you doing?? hasnt he done enough?? remember what you say to me, that this is done and no more? so where did all those words go? it is just for show?? i am in no position to judge, but i have to say so that you know. yes, im a coward. i dont dare to say it in your face. maybe i didnt know how. i couldnt bear to see the look on your face when i do. i'd rather slit my throat and die.

im sorry i hurt you.

ELLA'S BAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

IPP

first day of inturnship.. surprises and more surprises each time.. haha.. i hope it gets better tomorrow and for the rest of the 11weeks.. if not, i'd have to go for a major therapy to excite my life..i made a good friend though despite whatever. she was fun, maybe because we had to be hyper to welcome back TeamSingapore at BrasBasah.. but she was funn.. another male colleague also very fun and funny.. i was carrying a big box filled with clappers and he didnt bother to help me, but help my supervisor instead who's only carrying 4plastics bags of whistles and flags and balloons.. and i stood there thought he would come and help me.. but he funny.. hahaha!! its was a good first day at work.. i really want to do something at my desk lahh!!! seriously!!! give me something to do so i wont think like im wasting my time there!!! gahhhhh!!!

im so gonna kill my bestfriend when i see her. seriously!!

okay, sleep time because i got 'work' tomorrow..
*smiles*

take me to a higher place,

where i know i'll be safe in your arms.

GOODBYE SIEW BOON!!

DONT FUCK AROUND AT VIETNAM YARR!!!

AHAHA!

the days at EPM

hiatus over

HIATUS OVER!!!
i can scream and jump and dance to exam-free till the nest semester.. woohooo!!! i have four days only to enjoy starting tomorrow before i start my attachment with SingaporeSportsCouncil.. which reminds me... i cannot bitch about the management, my pay, my workload or whatever they ask me to do there... haha. lets just say direct indirect approach is always the best.
*smiles widely*

so many things happenned the past week; and they couldnt pick the best time to happen during this stressful period of my life.. super frustrating.. and my computer is lagging now.. grrrr!!!

"... you know, i once met a girl that blew me off my feet.
she was pretty and sweet.
the curves at the right places.
a nice butt. nice figure. glittering eyes.
kissable cute lips. long lovely hair.
legs that make you go 'wow'...
she had a rather girly laughter but each time she laughs,
she opens her mouth wide. buruk ah.
she doesnt always sit properly.
snaps for no apparent reason.
has major mood swings.
irritates the hell out of me.
sometimes i feel like strangling her.
but yet she gave me love.
a kind of love i never felt.
she gave me everything she could.
she took care of me, loved me.
and did everything a wife would.
she's not perfect.
but she was my everything.
she was the only person that could bring me to heaven or hell.
the only one that i would listen to.
the only woman in my life.
she was my imperfect perfection.
all that i could ask for, i found it in her.
sometimes i falter.
i do stupid things and hurt her.
and it hurts me even more.
im not perfect either.
but i try to give her the perfect love.
i try my best.
she complained.
she blew her top at me.
she cursed and swore at me.
but yet i still love her so.
she was ridiculous, demanding, irritating.
yet so loveable that i cant help falling in love with her over and over again.
she was the love of my life.
and her name is Azirah; as it says on my chest.
the woman i love whole heartedly.
my life. my all. my baby girl forever.
baby, i love you...."

i love you too, bacin.

my desire

i just wanted to see her happy. to love and be loved. i showed her the path, lighten up abit and even led her through. but i wasnt prepared for the circumstances that follow. circumstances that is beyond my control and i couldnt do anything to help her. i feel helpless watching her as she cries her heart out for the man she loves. what am i to do? im at lost.

tonight, i just wish i could die. i would trade anything in the world to be going through what im feeling right now. i ran. to you. but u didnt catch me when i fall. i fell flat on the ground. bruised. why didnt you catch me? why did you left me lying, bleeding on the sideline? why?
am i not good enough? am i too demanding? am i nonsensical? what am i?

IM STILL ON HIATUS BY THE WAY.

JUST SOME UPDATES TO LET

MY BRAIN TO FUNCTION NORMALLY.

=)

did i mention there was a limo??=)