Random things

I am definitely a fan of unplanned and random things. Like this for instance. Its a gift from him and he totally did not plan it. But the fact that he thought of giving it to me instead of keeping it for himself, thats what counts. Its a funny tingling feeling you get at the bottom of your stomach that wouldnt erase that cheeky smile off your face. Like the saying, "like a kid getting candy."
Yes, definitely a love.

Its okay not to be okay

Geared with a caffeine drink, a book and a 4 hour-powered netbook with a supply of internet service from an iPhone; and i sit here reflecting on the events that had happened in the past what... month?

Ive been blessed to have beautiful friends who are amazingly understanding with our every crap and nonsense, crankiness and bitchiness. But yet, i can never fight off this feeling that we havent seen each other at our very worst; for me at least. This is to my girls, you all are missed. I mean all.

And i have another set of friends who are filled with life and passion, always on the go; as if nothing can ever bring them down. But in fact, they are the very people who have walked or is walking the different paths of life, and they are never selfish in sharing and supporting each other. They bring me life, laughter and i envy their achievements; only making me to work even harder to accomplish my goals. This is to my 'okay-go' gang, you are the best.

And there's this one person, who have recently came in my life; who has never fail to put a smile(more like a grin)on my face whenever his name comes up on my ID caller. And like any other day, this wouldnt be anything i would write about, but this one's special. I never thought he would be the one that can light up my eyes ever so brightly just as my heart does premature ventricular contractions. It never cross my mind that he would bring back the joy of just having a company for a meal or the one that calls to kiss me goodnight over the phone and make sure i prostate to the one and only. And he has the most amazing eyes that i drown just by looking at them. But like all fairytales, there is the evil stepmother and a villain. Mine's no different. But i am blessed to have the chance to know this man; all thanks to my 'okay-go' gang. Sometimes, good things happen when you least expected it. This feeling is a long time coming and im loving every ounce of it.

I cant help sounding as if this is the last blog entry i am going to publish. I have no idea why im penning this down. I guess i havent really write down my thoughts clearly without having one to read between the lines of my post. Well, i guess just this once :)

Jars Of Heart

Christina Perri

I know i cant take one more step towards you

Cause all that's waiting is regret

And dont you know im not your ghost anymore

You've lost the love i loved the most.

I learnt to live half alive

And now you want me one more time.

And who do you think you are

Running around leaving scars

Collecting your jars of heart

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So dont come back for me

Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around

If i am anywhere to be found

But i have grown too strong

To ever fall back in your arms

I learnt to live half alive

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are

Running around leaving scars

Collecting your jars of heart

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So dont come back for me

Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright

Remember how to put back the light in my eyes

I wished i had missed the first time that we kissed

Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back

You dont get to get me back

And who do you think you are

Running around leaving scars

Collecting your jars of heart

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So dont come back for me

Dont come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

What Are Words

Chris Medina

Anywhere you are, I am near

Anywhere you go, I’ll be there

Anytime you whisper my name, you’ll see

How every single promise I keep

Cuz what kind of guy would I be

If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words

If you really don’t mean them

When you say them

What are words

If they’re only for good times

Then they don’t

When it’s love

Yeah, you say them out loud

Those words, They never go away

They live on, even when we’re gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me

And I know I’m meant to be where I am

And I’m gonna be

Standing right beside her tonight

And I’m gonna be by your side

I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words

If you really don’t mean them

When you say them

What are words

If they’re only for good times

Then they don’t

When it’s love

Yeah, you say them out loud

Those words, They never go away

They live on, even when we’re gone

Anywhere you are, I am near

Anywhere you go, I’ll be there

And I’m gonna be here forever more

Every single promise I keep

Cuz what kind of guy would I be

If I was to leave when you need me most

I’m forever keeping my angel close

California King Bed

Rihanna

Chest to chest

Nose to nose

Palm to palm

We were always just that close

Wrist to wrist

Toe to toe

Lips that felt just like the inside of a rose

So how come when I reach out my finger

It feels like more than distance between us

In this California king bed

We're ten thousand miles apart

I bet california wishing on these stars

For your heart for me

My Californa king

Eye to eye

Cheek to cheek

Side by side

You were sleeping next to me

---oohhh next to me

Arm in arm

Dusk to dawn

With the curtains drawn

And a little last night on these sheets

So how come when I reach out my fingers

It seems like more than distance between us

In this California king bed

We're ten thousand miles apart

I bet California wishing on the stars

For your heart for me

My Californa King

Just when I felt like giving up on us

You turned around and gave me one last touch

That made everything feel better

And even then my eyes got wetter

So confused, when I asked you if you love me

But I don't wanna seem so weak

Maybe I've been California dreaming

In this california king bed

We're ten thousand miles apart

I bet California wishing on these stars

For your heart for me

My Californa King

My California King

Smile. Life fucks us all.

So tell me,
what does someone do when he comes to the end of the road only to find a junction?
Which way should he go? Left or right?
Based on what decision? What rationale?
And when he made his move but only to find a dead end with a squad of gunmen aiming at his direction, what will be his next move? Or rather, should he had prepared himself for any circumstances that he could be faced with before making his move at the junction? What if he had, and that too failed on him.
So who's to blame?

I guess no one is perfect. No matter how careful you are, there will definitely be a time where you find yourself in your most darkest hour; where you find yourself feeling helpless and lost, unsatisfied and unfulfilled, neglected and unloved.
For all things i believe in, i strongly believe that you will never get everything in life. And when you think that you have, you will definitely lose something in your life; physically, mentally or emotionally.

So how shall we overcome this then?
Personally, i have yet to figure this one out. Life is such a mystery. Like investigating a crime. Long and complicated. Some mystery are solved. Then leads to uncover another mystery. And so on and so forth.
Then i guess we will never uncover the truth about life and how to live it right.

Do we want to live it right then?
They say live life to the fullest.
I will ask, 'what if that leads you to be the biggest dork in town? what if that leads you to be living on the streets? what if that leads you to be living alone in a big mansion house all alone?'
Do you still want to live life to the fullest?
Neglecting responsibilities, unfulfilling your duty as a child; living by your own rules.

And so i always counter these attacks with questions for my own self reflection.

Are you happy?
Honestly, no. But im on my way. Slowly.
I am happy with my friends.
Im not so sure i am happy for me, my achievements and my decisions.

What do you want?
I want to spread my wings for now.
Career wise, i have made a few discoveries in which i am disappointed and unexpected. It came all at once and decisions have to be made. I only wished life has not done this to me because it has affected me and others around me; being me affected quite harshly.

Is this right the right move?
Who still does what is right anymore. Nowadays people do something which they love and passionate about. People do things just because they want to do it; they dont look at the paycheck because they actually love doing what they do.
Feel. People do what feels good to them, even though they know it is the wrong thing to do.
Is it wrong? To do something that makes you feel good?

You are your own judge.
Words are like bullets set to slow you down to reach your enemy.
Once you get you belief straight, you will definitely be able to achieve the things you love to do with much confidence and rationalise decision making.

In all due respect and honor,i put my head down and in Your name i recite the prayers.
For you are loved and to be loved.

In due of secrecy and thrill, life takes us uphill and down. In time we learn that what we are now is from the influences rubbed against us by many people we come across; with different perceptions, beliefs, personalities and mindsets.
Many would describe it as lack of originality.
I call it, unique.

With passion comes hard work. With hard work comes discipline.
The fire does not burn all night long.
And the flame gets smaller in time.
Keeping the flame alive, comes responsibility.
And responsibility, we do have too many.