casts away

hmm.. this blog been dead for a while.. thousand apologies. i have been busy with school. like really busy. im not the person that stays up till 2am on the computer surfing the net.. if you were online this past week you would see me in "project mode" during that time. well, now things have died down a little and i can finally breathe a bit easily.. im looking forward for the coming Saturday as it will be the last time i'll be wearing formal attire to school. yes, Saturday. Entrepreneurship Day, or i like to call it TOTALLYBULLSHIT DAY. haha!! sound like Jackson ehh?? hahahah!!

finally get to see my bestfriend after the wedding. both of us had this stupid grin on our faces the minute we saw each other at the train station. like kid getting candy. haha! i miss her loads. met James, Zul, Raymond, Denise and Bing at Cineleisure.. didnt join them though, would love to. sorry babes. travel down to Far East cause Leia havent eaten and she wants 'real food' *roll eyes* haha.. talked and bitched.. like always.. i was carrying a big bag full of clothes, courtesy of Ang Jasmin Sylvia (syg betol tk??lol!!). thanks a whole bunch! like literally.. hahha.. gawd.

saw my cousin at CityLink. made me miss my future cousin-in-law (his fiance lahh!!).. so i smsed her saying i miss her. we shall go out dinner soonish yarr.. hehe.

damn, i want to watch Brazil vs Spore with Diidi!! ughhh!! stupidly sold out!

ohh! i didnt know Baihakki and Norfasarie are married!! haaaaa...

my cam-whoring sessions. haha!!

the wedding was marvelous.

i think it went well, even though i arrived late. hee.

Aisyah caught me by surprise. how much she has grown over the years. maybe i jus hasnt seen her for a very long time. even her sister has grown so much too!

i think her husband looked like some actor.. haha..

i got jealous when my boyfriend praised Alfarahizah Awangnit who i totally disagree her going out with Shah Iskandar.. like wth.. takde pompuan lain ke.. haha! bitch lahh can..

shall stop yanking and go on with the pictures.. the rest of the pictures are with the girls.. this is all i have.

yellow yellow

english babeh when?? lol!!

life's a bitch

its good to be back. i miss your presence. really.. i'll see you tomorrow, mama.

it dawned on me that im so fucking isolated from my family when my dad said "it seemed as if you are not enthusiastic about this". he's right actually. i am isolated from my family. even my extended family. though now my family has grown and the newcomers are the nicer one talking to me.. maybe want to create good impression so i'd like them and they wont feel outcast in the family.. hahah!! merepek! ughh.. come to think of it, i miss Kak Aliss.. another June baby. she likes purple! how cool lahh!! hehe.. Kak Uda and Kak Aliss are the only people i feel comfortable with in my family. oh, and my uncle too. maybe because both of us are into sports, he's a soccer coach taking degree in SportsManagement (he encourage me to take it up in Australia, if only i have the money lahh Wak).. he will always sit down and talk to me about how im doing in school and share he's difficulty studying and meeting datelines for projects.. hahah.. he's cool.. too bad my grandfather passed. he's also another person im comfortable and loveeeeeeeeeeeeeee soooooooo bloody much.. shit im tearing.. i miss him.

i guess i grew up with a different mindset compared to my siblings. i love them, but i prioritise other things such as school and friends more than them. mainly because i know they will always be there and that i can count on them.. its weird i know. but this is how i work. i dont expect you to understand, i just need you to know. as if you read my blog. hah.

i miss talking to my dad. im so hostile to everybody. i dont let them near me. because i will hurt them. i tried being as close to my sisters, but i can only see them far. taking care of them without getting close to them, getit? i dont think so. really i miss my dad. i dislike him for my own reasons but i love him. i do. i just cannot forget it. i just cant. i cant. and it will always be with me and be a reminder for because i know, i know i will be like him. and im scared. im bloody scared. i love my boyfriend. i love him. i dont want to do anything that will hurt him. i dont. im scared. im really scared.

this is what you get, this is all i've got.

HUHU!!

i've been dancing to PussyCatDolls 'When I Grow Up' for my workout routine whenever i get the chance to. haha. i dont have a room of my own.. thats the reason why. and im not a dancer, but i know i can dance well. but i wont go to the extend of participating in some competition to show off my talent.. like some people in 'So You Think You Can Dance' who thinks they can dance but in fact they actually cant. which is so embarassing. i'd be embarassed.

today im happy. my presentation went well even though we were one man down due to mother nature. my project group meeting went smoothly and for the first time, on time. i saw RichardMarkJansen!!!!!!!!! he superrrrrr HAWT!!! urghh!! only get to hear him sang one line!! damnit Jackson!! i was making stupid noises on the way to the mrt cause James couldnt get his picture for me.. so Jackson said i should have ran up to the stage and hug him. haha.. i should have, huh. lol. i met my boyfriend whom i havent seen for 3days (i swear it felt longer than that!!) and watched him eat. i miss you tau.. and my best girlfriend called me up and we had a nice talk. it was like riding on an emotional rollercoaster; it was thrilling.

school's been hectic. i've been smsing Diidi on alternate days and hearing bad news. i wish i could give you a hug right now darling. you'll be fine. i hope you will. family doesnt help at all. i dont wish to elaborate. my girls are insane people. i still love them. i've been spending my time on the computer if not, i'd be dancing my stress away in my room; being very tired after that and eventually bathed and sleep like a dead person through the night. which is so bad of me because i wouldnt even feel the vibration of my phone when my boyfriend sms me saying he's home from work at 234am.

i love you. i miss laughing with you. i miss being stupid with you;
i hate arguing with you. i hate being hopeless and useless. i hate being apart from you.

i miss us.

my modelling sessions are over..
it was fun.. and embarassing..
i only took photos for today's session..
i dont have a camera phone so yeahh..
today was couple theme with Raymond...
some were very good..
some..
hahaha..
okay a handful..
hahhaa..

pose #1

pose#2

pose#3

two can play the game.

let's see who wins this time eh?

motherfuckers.

dissapointment

everyday i never fail to look at your photograph.
even though i see you almost everyday.
i can never get enough of you.
never can i ever resist you.

nature was on my side today.
it rained. so no one can see me cry.
that was all i could do, when all i want to do is to curse and swear.
i've been brushing off all emotions inside of me.
till i couldnt recognise the image im seeing in the mirror anymore.

"then thats not fair!"
i cried a thousand tears. i played a thousand melodies.
but i keep climbing hoping things would change, and it did.
im glad. im proud to be a part of it.
but the bad took away all the good.
and the sky turns grey and the water from the rain washes progress away.
im left sitting here, all alone again.
i've been standing in the gas, and you have been the flame.
now you're fired up and ready to go.
just leave me be.
just go.

im in love with elvis. he's hot.

*smiles widely*