today marks the first day of Ramadhan, a month of holy and all goodness shall be repaid in its own way, insyAllah. i have always like this month of the year in the Islam calender. last year, i felt it alot but this year i dont feel the same way. last year, i wasnt hyped about Raya. that feeling is still stagnant, never change. i wasnt hype about doing terawih. i didnt do it today. i hope i get the strength and eagerness to face Him. ive done so much.

i finish my book on The Tapertries (i wonder if i spell it correctly). i borrowed it jus last week and i finished it. now i got nothing to do during my journey to and from work in the train. today was horrible. i had to stand all the way to Kallang and all the way back to Woodlands!! Singaporeans are really something. really. a pregnant lady or an old elderly can be standing in fornt of them and they can jus pretend to sleep!! i hope God repays your deeds when your wife turns pregnant in the future!

to you i say,
stop tormenting her.
to you i say,
stop giving her hopes and dreams.
to you i say,
be gone and never come back.
to you i say;
fuck off! your time has end.

give me your hand.
i want to tell you that i love you.
even if you're not with me and found happiness somewhere,
you will always be in my heart.
i couldnt bear to see or hear you get hurt.
nevertheless, i couldnt do anything because you dont allow me to.
so i shall stand here in the rain,
just watching you bear the pain.
how my heart aches,
for i couldnt be a helping hand.
i want to make it better.
i'd give the world to you.
how i want to make you realise that its been there in front of you,
just waiting for you to reach it.
but you were too afraid.
afraid that it wouldnt be okay,
that everything will go all wrong,
and you'd be back to square one.
the words you utter doesnt make sense to your actions.
i am a friend.
and i'd rather hurt you then see anybody else do.
this is as honest as i will get.
and i hope you get to read this.
you are like your mother.
so stop and think, before you get any worse.
"you wont be like you mother/father"
you are acting like one, mama.

you were doing fine.
till i lost track of you.
you were having fun.
i didnt want to stop you.
then it start to get worse.
one after another.
you start to lose control.
let your emotions take control.
now i've really lost you.
you didnt seem to want to come back.
your body is here, yes.
but your heart, mind and soul drifts to liebe.

i do not hate him i dont. its you i hate. what are you doing?? hasnt he done enough?? remember what you say to me, that this is done and no more? so where did all those words go? it is just for show?? i am in no position to judge, but i have to say so that you know. yes, im a coward. i dont dare to say it in your face. maybe i didnt know how. i couldnt bear to see the look on your face when i do. i'd rather slit my throat and die.

im sorry i hurt you.