Planning in Time

In a few hours, the plane will land from Cairo. Im looking forward to this day and i actually lost track of time as i got so used to feeling estatic when messages comes in on random times throughout the day. And right now i actually did not plan on waiting for the plane to land. It just happened; and i find it amazing of how oblivious my actions are.

Cairo.
I had an interesting conversation with my bestfriend about extending our studies there together. Interesting choice of place to begin with, and the culture? I cannot imagine myself in that culture where i myself hardly practice. But its interesting. Maybe its THE key to the door of my heart. But with amazing events that had happened here, im afraid it might not work out. Or God has planned something even more spectacular for me? It not impossible.

I can never get it right with God's doing. And when i think i got it, i am constantly wronged again.

Nevertheless, we beings can only plan and its better to have a plan than not plan at all. A purpose in life is as crucial as having clothes on before you leave the house; if you want to put it in lay-man's term.

"Be fearful when others are greedy, and be greedy when others are fearful."
I still havent figure out what it means.

What really goes on behind that empty eyes painted with drastic color palettes choice from MAC? Those red lips tell nothing but joy and happiness however those eyes gave it away.

Are you real?

Have you ever feel the need to divert into someone else when you're with different individuals? The need to change the way you speak or behave with certain cliques of friends? The sudden behaviour you make to ensure you dont feel left out?
If you answered yes to all the above, then are you fake?

Its amazing how one person can be comfortable with different individuals and have many cliques of friends of various interest and differences too. And its an awe to be the one in that shoes because you are surrounded with many beautiful individuals who have no idea of their uniqueness and talents.

I applaud for my fruitful spent holidays with beautiful people. Now the time has come to divert back into my profession.

Hopefully the year ahead will be a great one now that i have found a slight happiness in me and i pray it will stay happy with me too for the longest time i can ever hope for.

Happy New Year everyone!

Are you IT?

Like watching a movie, waiting for the climax or many people like to say "when the shit happens". To be this afraid when the moment comes, well its not expected. Because all this while, you have been mind-fucking yourself that you are ready for this; for this day to come where nothing else matters because you are finally... happy. Its the greatest feeling in the world when you have been riding on the bottom of the wheel for such a long time. Its awesome.

Did everyone heard the latest humor by Lonely Island featuring Akon? I thought it was a damn hilarious song, the fact Akon couldnt wipe that smirk off his face throughout the entire video. Its like a guilty conscious face as if he really did had sex 30 minutes ago as quoted in the song. But who knows right?? So could you please stand up if you had sex the last 30 minutes? Hilarious.

Well, in many ways it is true; people do want to shout it out. Come on, try it.
I JUST HAD SEX AND IT FEEL REAL GOOD!
If you really think about it, anything can be related to sex.
Example uno: An equisite, huge wrapping doesnt really mean the present inside is equisite and HUGE too.
Everyone following me here?
Now everyone will get the picture that im some pervertic person who is always thinking about sex... so im sure you have already classified me as a slut right?
You know what, it doesnt really matter what YOU think.
I got you thinking at my example number one did i? AND, I rest my case.

And in case you havent noticed, Nathalie is back yo.

Angus and Julian Stone

Babylon

So rest your head-

You're all mine.

And I stay awake,

I won't go home.

Let's go on a holiday.

To burn this town

She's my Babylon.

So rest your heart-

You're all mine.

Because if you walk away,

I fall on down.

And bleed the reddest blood-

Red as wine.

She's my Babylon.

No I don't want to

See you go.

No I don't want to

Be alone.

So rest your hand -

You're all mine.

I can't stay awake,

My eyes fall down.

Said I dreamed a dream

That you wore a crown.

She's my Babylon.

No I don't want to

See you go.

No I don't want to

Be alone

No I don't want to

Be alone.

No I don't want to

Be alone.

James Morrison
The Last Goodbye

I don't believe you
And I never will
Oh I can't live by your side
With the lies you've tried to instill
I can't take anymore
I dont have to give you a reason
For leaving this time
Coz this is my last goodbye

It's like I hardly know you
But maybe I never did
It's like every emotion you showed me
You kept well hid
And every true word that you ever spoke
Was really deceiving
Now I'm leaving this time
Coz this is my last goodbye

I've gotta turn and walk away
I don't have anything left to say
I haven't already said before
I've grown tired of being used
And I'm sick and tired of being accused
Now I'm walking away from you
And I'm not coming back

Selamat tinggal Ramadhan.
Kau membawa tangisan dan kemenangan dalam diri ini.
Kau memberi ketenangan dan keindahan pada bulan penug barakah ini.
Hingga bertemu lagi.

And as the spotlight shines on you, you couldnt bear the brightness of the light.
Tried to fight it, but eventually you fell to the ground.
All alone on an empty stage, screaming for help.
Still screaming for help.

With outreached arms.

Change Me
Keri Hilson feat Akon

You know that I love you
You know that I love you
You know that I need you
You're my air, girl, I breathe you

You know that I love you
You know that I love you
You know that I need you
You're my air, girl, I breathe you

So don't try to change me
So don't try to change me
Why would you change me?
Why would you change me?
Baby, I will let you go

So don't try to change me
So don't try to change me
Why would you change me?
Baby, I will let you go

You know why, I had my, my vices
You said you could handle it
But you lied 'cause you tried
To change me, move me, and no

Everything you loved before you don't love no more
Everything I did for you, you don't want no more
Maybe I'm not the fallin' love you've been lookin' for
Would you agree? So how can you not see it?

You know that I love you
You know that I love you
You know that I need you
You're my air, girl, I breathe you

You know that I love you
You know that I love you
You know that I need you
You're my air, girl, I breathe you

So don't try to change me
So don't try to change me
Why would you change me?
Why would you change me?
Baby, I will let you go

So don't try to change me
So don't try to change me
Why would you change me?
Baby, I will let you go

Why must I decide on
Whether I love you or the world?
You met me, you fell deeply in love
With me so what is the problem now?

Everything you loved before you don't love no more
Everything I did for you, you don't want no more
Maybe I'm not quite the man you've been lookin' for
Would you agree? So how can you not see it?

You know that I love you
You know that I love you
You know that I need you
You're my air, girl, I breathe you

You know that I love you
You know that I love you
You know that I need you
You're my air, girl, I breathe you

So don't try to change me
So don't try to change me
Why would you change me?
Why would you change me?
Baby, I will let you go

So don't try to change me
So don't try to change me
Why would you change me?
Baby, I will let you go

Why would you wanna change me, arrange me
Is that what you call love?
Maybe you need somebody different
Somebody who fits you like a glove
But don't change everything that you love
About me when you know that I love you

You know that I love you
You know that I love you
You know that I need you
You're my air, girl, I breathe you

You know that I love you
You know that I love you
You know that I need you
You're my air, girl, I breathe you

So don't try to change me
So don't try to change me
Why would you change me?
Why would you change me?
Baby, I will let you go

So don't try to change me
So don't try to change me
Why would you change me?
Why would you change me?
Baby, I will let you go
So don't try to change me

the frequent change of the weather, either creates smiles on faces or turn them upside down. personally ever since the flood in orchard, im quite frighten whenever it rains considering the fact that i love the rain. and this morning, the wind howls so strongly and freely. i heard (from a little birdie) that a "NO ENTRY" sign was pulled out from the ground. its amazing how a nothing can actually do something.

nevertheless life goes on as written in our books of life. i was almost knocked down by a car yesterday when i was climbing a multi-storey carpark. the keyword here is almost.
"you werent gonna die, you know?"
"yeahh thats why i said almost..."
"no as in, its already written that you werent going to die today."
-__-

"as you get to know Islam better and deeper, you wouldnt care if you were going to hell or heaven."
"why?"
"because all you want is to see Him"
im still thinking on that my dear friend.

conscious really is a struggle for some people. its like being trapped in a bubble. you can see whats going on around you but kept relying on the perception that everyone should be in the bubble with you. and you refuse to let anyone come near your bubble, because its YOUR bubble. but yet you still want them to be with you.
how now brown cow?

sitting here for a few hours now trying to pen things down in the most delicate way i could possibly can with a pile of groceries still in their paper bags waiting for me to uncover them, puts even more pressure on me to end this entry in a classic manner. it doesnt help that my bloodsisters are taking a nap when they can help me with the chores that had dawned on me. this is call sisterlove. so untrue.

im scratching you off my list from now til forever. you have a fun life alright.

im fierce and feroCIOUS - Tyra Banks

Christina Aguilera
You Lost Me

I am done, smoking gun
We've lost it all, the love is gone
She has won, now it's no fun
We've lost it all, the love is gone

And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself

I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me

And we tried, oh how we cried
We lost ourselves, the love has died
And though we tried you can't deny
We're left as shells, we lost the fight

And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself

I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me

Now I know you're sorry and we were sweet
But you chose lust when you deceived me
And you'll regret it, but it's too late
How can I ever trust you again?

I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me

and i vomit out what was left inside of me.
sadness and loneliness.
everytime i was reminded of you.
and everytime, i always wanted to run back to you and hug you so ever tightly.
never wanting to let you go.
yet again.
i just knew i couldnt do it anymore.
i miss how those eyes look at me with a twinkle in them.
and i just know what exact is going through your mind, your heart.
i miss your arms around me, where they belong.
its a definite no, baby.
no.



Broken Strings
James Morrison feat Nelly Furtado

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me, now I can't feel anything

When I love you and so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking it's the voice of someone else

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?

Oh, what are we doing?
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late, too late

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late, too late

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
So how can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?
Oh, you know that I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again

Im thinking of you. Like alot.
But i dont have time to write it all down now.
Il be back. I promise.

Wow.
Its been a year.
And now im back to waiting for another full-time job, which i cant wait to start on.
But first, i have to meditate. Haha.

I cant believe its been a year since i started my first full-time job and earning for the family. Although there are four others who too are providing for the family, i do feel the ache in the back, due to certain reasons.

I must say i have accomplished alot more than i have expected and done things i didnt think i could in a year. Like spending the night by the beach with friends and getting myself an itouch on my first paycheck, without even thinking twice. Being able to give my parents a sum of money from my pay is a great feeling.

There's also things that i wish i could accomplish before the year ends like getting my licence which i aimed to get it as my birthday present this June. Total disappointment. And a great birthday party; double disappointment.

However, these are things in life i believe that keeps me going. Keeps me wanting to achieve them even more, although it brought me down to the ground so hard. Because i believe i can make those dreams a reality. Some dreams are just meant to be kept in bed.

Yakult reminds me of you.
Rainy days reminds me of your warmth.
Sand, sun and sea reminds me of your salty lips.
The full moon reminds me of February 2009.
The stars reminds me of your promise.

Part Of The List
Ne Yo

Style of your hair
Shape of your eyes and your nose
The way you stare as if you see right through to my soul
It's your left hand and the way it's not quite big as your right
The way you stand in the mirror before we go out at night
Our quiet time, your beautiful mind

They're a part of the list
things that I miss
things like your funny little laugh or the way you smile or the way we kiss
what I notice is this
I come up with
Something new every single time that I sit and reminisce

The way your sweet smell lingers when you leave a room
Stories you tell as we lay in bed all afternoon
I dream you now, every night, in my mind is where we meet
And when I'm awake staring at pictures of you asleep
Touching your face
Invading your space

They're a part of the list
Things that miss things that I miss
things like your funny little laugh or the way you smile or the way we kiss
what I notice is this
I come up with
Something new every single time that I sit and reminisce
Oh
Will you live in my memories forevermore I swear
and you live in my memories forevermore I swear

They're a part of the list
Things that miss
Things that I miss
Things like your funny little laugh or the way you smile or the way we kiss
What I notice is this
I come up with
Something new every single time that I sit and reminisce

Whoaaa said whoaaa I whoaaa whoaaaa whoaaaaa
Whoaaa said whoaaa I whoaaa whoaaaa whoaaaaa



And all that is good, will surely come to an end.

Diana Krall
Dream A Little Dream Of Me

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you"
Birds singing in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams, whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams, whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Home
Diana Ross

When I think of home
I think of a place where there's love overflowing
I wish I was home
I wish I was back there with the things I been knowing

Wind that makes the tall trees bend into leaning
Suddenly the snowflakes that fall have a meaning
Sprinklin' the scene, makes it all clean

Maybe there's a chance for me to go back there
Now that I have some direction
It would sure be nice to be back home
Where there's love and affection
And just maybe I can convince time to slow up
Giving me enough time in my life to grow up
Time be my friend, let me start again

Suddenly my world has changed it's face
But I still know where I'm going
I have had my mind spun around in space
And yet I've watched it growing

If you're list'ning God
Please don't make it hard to know
If we should believe in the things that we see
Tell us, should we run away
Should we try and stay
Or would it be better just to let things be?

Living here, in this brand new world
Might be a fantasy
But it taught me to love
So it's real, real to me

And I've learned
That we must look inside our hearts
To find a world full of love
Like yours
Like me

Like home...

A House Is Not A Home
Luther Vandross

Doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...

A chair is still a chair, even when there's no one sittin' there
But a chair is not a house and a house is not a home
When there's no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss goodnight

Whoa...oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...
Girl

A room is a still a room, even when there's nothin' there but gloom
But a room is not a house and a house is not a home
When the two of us are far apart
And one of us has a broken heart

Now and then I call your name
And suddenly your face appears
But it's just a crazy game
When it ends, it ends in tears

Pretty little darling, have a heart, don't let one mistake keep us apart
I'm not meant to live alone, turn this house into a home
When I climb the stairs and turn the key
Oh, please be there, sayin' that you're still in love with me, yeah...

I'm not meant to live alone, turn this house into a home
When I climb the stairs and turn the key
Oh, please be there, still in love
I said still in love
Still in love with you...yeah...

Are you gonna be in love with me
I want you and need to be, yeah
Still in love with me
Say you're gonna be in love with me
It's drivin' me crazy to think that my baby
Couldn't be still in love with me

Are you gonna be, say you're gonna be
Are you gonna be, say you're gonna be
Are you gonna be, say you're gonna be
Well, well, well, well
Still in love, so in love, still in love with me
Are you gonna be
Say that you're gonna be

Still in love with me, yeah...
With me, oh...oh...oh...oh...oh...
Still in love with me, yeah...yeah...

Duffy
Stepping Stone

I remember, way back, way back when
I said I never wanna see your face again
Cause you were loving, yes you loving someone else
And I knew, yes I knew I could control myself

And now they bring you back into my life again
And so I put on a face just like your friends
But I think you know, oh yes you know what's going on
Cause the feelings of me, oh yes of me are burning strong

But I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing up or I'm on my own

You used to call me up from time to time
And it would be so hard for me not to cross the line
The words of love lay on my lips just like a curse
And I knew, oh yes I knew it would only make it worse

And now you have the nerve to play along
Just like the mystro beats in his song
You get your kicks, you get your kicks from playing me
And the less you give, the more I want so foolish of me

But I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone

I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing up or I'm on my own

No I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone

I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing up or I'm on my own

Never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone

I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing up or I'm on my own

Dear Natalie,

She has turned cold.
I dont know what else to do.
She's moving forward but her heart is stagnant.
Still in 2007.
Im standing right in front of her and i can feel her pain, mostly loneliness.
Tell me, what am i to do?

She reads his blog everyday.
Views his profile whenever she can.
Envies the girls that get to spend time with him.
Curses them for trying to seduce him with their short, tight and revealing clothes.
She aches when she sees a smile on his face, knowing it wasnt her that make him smile so wide.
She aches even more knowing she was wrong to think as such because she knows his heart still beats her name.
But yet, she cant help it.
She just cant.

She just told me, she misses him.
Alot more than usual..
What was i suppose to say?
What did i say? hmm.. i told her its okay, its natural because he's a big part of your life.
Was i right?

She told me again, she should stop reading his blog because it makes her feel sad.
So i went on to read to see what she was talking about, and i understood.
He was still miserable.
And he misses her too.
She always told me she walked away for the best of both of them.
She was happy he found another.
She cried when she found out.
Sang "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson after that and i know she did that to convince herself so i let her be.
She cried again when they broke up and told me she'll break her neck for hurting him.

Tell me, how is it possible to feel happy for someone who was your life with someone else?
Im proud of her.
She was selfless even in her misery.
Never did she make it known to him he hurt her for doing that after a month.
I sure did see a change in her.
But i wasnt sure if its for the better.
She seems happy though.
Doesnt it all that matter?
But she ache still, why?

Il write soon.

Much love.

Come On Get Higher
Matt Nathanson

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water, If I could tell you what’s next
Make you believe, make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice
The loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet,
perfect words that you said

If I could walk on water, if i could tell you what’s next,
make you believe, make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the pull of your heart
I can taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God
when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on - HOLD
Singin' shalala la
Singin' shalala lala
hwooo
hwooo
hwooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo

Come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just to pull me down hard
And drown me, drown me in love

(come on get higher, loosen my lips)It's all wrong
(faith and desire at the swing of your hips)It's all wrong
(just to pull me down hard and drown me in love)It's all right

So, come on, get higher
Come on, get higher
'Cause everything works love
Everything works in your arms

Come Back To Me
David Cook

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror
Looking back at you

You say you're leavin
As you look away
I know theres really nothin left to say
Just know i'm here
Whenever you need me
I'll wait for you

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i wont go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there I
can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can't fix you i can't save you
Its something you have to do

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me

So i'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me

Smile
Charlie Chaplin

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky
you'll get by.

If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun shining through
For you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying.
You'll find that life is still worthwhile-
If you just smile.

All I Wanted
Paramore

Think of me when you're out, when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
And when the world treats you way to fairly
Well it's a shame it's a dream

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I think I'll pace my apartment a few times
And fall asleep on the couch
Wake up early to black and white re-runs
That escape from my mouth

Oh Oh

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I could follow you to the beginning
Just to relive the start
And maybe then you'd remember to slow down
At all of our favourite parts

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

All I wanted was you