you know how a song can tell a story?
can relate to the chapters in your life.
sometimes the lyrics are so exact, you tend to listen to the song over and over.
like a voice within, singing you the melodies of your heart and desperate soul.
yearning to break free, to tell the world or maybe just the person that may concerns what is going on inside your head.
sometimes its not such a good thing.

i had a serious conversation with Jackson on the MRT train, about our future and how to go about it. there are so many options, lucky for him he still have 2 years to think about. i have like less than 2 months. how ironic. at this point, i still dont know what to do. and its not the greatest feeling in the world.

so far no one found out about my new url, i didnt tell alot of people. at least i think. i dont know why i change it.
in need of change.

after whatever, i become desperate for change. i change everything that i could. the color of my hair, my clothings, the stuff on my dressing table, my bag. like the time i rebonded my hair to let go. that was sudden. like crap, i actually spend 150bucks to get my hair straight. and i did my hair again 1 year later. how awesome.

i want to cut my hair like her.
no, not Nicole.

same length, same color.

what ya think?

in bed with them boys?

hell yeah. sign me up.

kay im not sucha bimbo to be taking pictures of myself and posting them all over my blog.. nyehah.. but when was the last time i did that?? sheeshhh..

if any of you can guess where the pictures are taken do let me know.. yang dah tau tu diam diam je ehh.. hahahahaa!!

well school starts tomorrow, darn it.. but i cant wait for sleepover at Nana's place.. although im not looking forward for karaoke session in the wee hours.. i have a voice of a frog! hahahaa... its the first time everyone is a yes.. it'll be fun. u hope. heh.

see you in school!

our trip to the Marina Barrage.

for those who like sceneric places and just want to spend a quiet time with your loved ones, (yes, i love her) its a perfect place to go. chey, like promote like that.. hahah

its not hard to get there, just get down at Marina Bay MRT and take a shuttle bus from there. its very easy to know where the queue starts.

as im writing this down, my head spins so fast.. the words all jumbled up together. i've been put to home rest for the week and i've grown bored, and now sick. how can anyone be sick when stuck at home for 6days straight?? so i shall stop here to let a teacher in the house do her lesson plan for the coming week. goodnight everyone!

i did myself a favour and decided to go out today. even though it was only for 45minutes, i got a bit dressed up which i didnt planned to. (time for a wardrobe makeover. i still havent spend the 100dollars gift card from GAP. hah..) i was 'a little bit' late for my boyfriend's break time so i only got 35minutes with him before he went in for busy Wednesday night. i bought him his much needed pink hair wax from Gatsby and ended up sitting at the bar for almost 30minutes with a bottle of booze.

okay kidding. i had two different mocktails. one was my favourite because its in a champagne glass. i like champagne glasses, they are very classy. hahha.. its called Virgin Mimosa. hahaha!! inside joke. lol. the other one was specially made by the bar captain, Mic. dont know if i got his name correct though. i think he made it like randomly because there wasnt a name for it so he called it, I Love My Girlfriend. hahahha!! siao.

i was suppose to catch a malay show at 9pm today, but i totally forgot about it because of the soccer match! gahh!! stupid guys in shorts. hahahah!!

im extra happy today and im glad i guess. things was a bit rough, okay.. very rough between boyfriend and i but somehow we always managed to patch things up as quickly as possible. and i always dont know how we do it. even when i traced them back, im left with more confusion. its amazing. the beauty of our love. i hope it burns forever, even when you are in the wheelchair at 25. ahhahahahhaha!!! hee. love you lah!

i cannot stop thinking about you.
this is for you;

I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Give my all for your love
Tonight

as far as i know, i hate technology. it undermines the power of love and trust a person has for another. i still like the old fashion way of writing a letter and posting it, and waiting for the mailman to drop your letter into the mailbox. the feeling of excitement that rushes through your body. a good kind of excitement, not the kind you get from the service provider for exceeding your limit of contract. that excitement i always get, kinda immune to it now. but i cant switch off my phone like i could last time. i have a boyfriend, which the way of communication is the handphone, even though he could call my home.

i dont want to feeli like this anymore. i dont want to feel helpless and useless. i dont want pity and sympathy. i dont want all that.

all i have is a picture.
which i kept, sealed so tight.
the key thrown and forever gone.
the most beautiful picture ever painted.

today my soul stood still.
the pain no longer worries me.
everything will be okay.
time will cure my being.

to you:
im glad i went through it and not you. because i get to hold it for life. call me selfish for all i care. its in me and thats that. let bygones be bygones. we have made the best out of it. now is the time for us to recover. hold my hand, dont ever let go.

to you:
a miracle in life i must say. You've made me stronger as a person and a slave. You show me the meaning of love of a much powerful being. i thank You and i apologize to You. i hope and pray You will always be at ease.

a new day has come

some outdated pictures since i got the time to upload.. i realized i havent been taking alot of pictures. especially at important events.. guess i loss that part of me.

i vow to not be lazy this term break. i want to catch up on lectures and tutorials that i've missed (more like skipped.. haha) so as not to suffer from GPA recession like Jackson... not that im happy with my GPA, just not good enough. veyr disappointed with just a B for IPP.. maybe because i was doing daily data work so most of my work seem 'not surprising' and expected. however, i shall not press on the past and will work for my last exam harder. its a challenge. wow i sound as if im writing a report. hah.

i saw Anisa today, she's in NYP?! wth! hahahah.. i swear i didnt recognise her with her FB outfit.

til this moment, i feel very grateful to You.

it finally comes to an end. tomorrow will be the last day of school before we start our term break!! wheee!!
a new beginning for an ending.
projects are piling again.. ugh. few more months and im done-d lahh! hang in there azi.

Joan came to school today, you know... the infamous female body-builder in SW.
she gave us a lecture on Fitness Industry and showed us a few snippets of her new boutique gym.
awesome shit la to have your own gym.
although her talk was boring but we had our fun ozzing our eyeballs and make silly comments of her physically defined body and laughter. hahaa.. scary. lol
at the end of the lecture, we asked her to pose for us and she did!
bloody hell her triceps fucking big cann!! can fly know!
i expected her to be bigger though, maybe Jackson was right... she wasnt at her peak period.
oh! we also saw a picture of her 'body-building' days...
it look so fake lahh!! like her face being cut-out and past on someone else's body. haha!!
she's really nice laaa..

im thinking of working at my boyfriend's workplace during the term break...
still havent decide yet with everything else in mind..
still, thanks Ibu for hooking me up =)

shall post my holiday pictures soon.
sabar menanti..

prayer mat

He, i always believe in. who gives me faith and conscience that i can rely on. He, who taught me things my parents cant, wouldnt and shant. He, whom i love with all my heart even though sometimes i forgot. He, who i am ashame of all my sins and wrongdoings. He, who i bows to. He, who i believe loves me too.

i woke up today, a heavy heart and mind. i got out of bed and cleanse myself. i said a silent prayer as i carefully took my wuduk. i feel a little enlightment in my heart, i always do. i dress myself to face before Him. all white, neat and tidy. my commitment to Him now, no other in my head. not even my beloved, this love cannot be divided. on the last bow, it seemed as time stood still. i cry before the Mightyness, tears streaming down my cheeks. as my head lifts from the prayer mat, i felt a little magic. a sensation in my heart. i hope silently, that my prayers would come true. after i greet goodbye to the prayer, i look up to the sky. with blurry vision, i prayed hard and cry.

dear god, please forgive me. for forgetting you and neglecting you, only to turn to you in times of need. i am ashame of my being. i do not deserve to be upon you. ive been here before, you know i will pull through.

dear god, i love you. i need your guidance, oh One and Only. i tried all means i could. im at lost, i need you. show me the right path to get through this. ive took this as a challenge, because you love me and want to prove.

dear god, i ask for your forgiveness. for mine and all that is involved. you have given something i cant handle, its too much for me.

dear god, please forgive me. i am shameful as i am. im a helpless slave in life and you are the powerful one. please god help me and guide me through. i need you, i do. forgive me. forgive me.

in the success of life, defeats come in many ways.
some you dont see it, some are extreme cases.
needless to say, all this is God's will.
to show He adores you by giving challenges to prove to Him.
many run, run from the truth.
they hide down under, fear builds up.
others faces gracefully, success awaits them.

this pain is unbearable.

dear dreamcatcher,

i havent been writing to you for quite some time. i have been busy. i apologize for that. you know, writing to you always gives me a sense of empowerment. even as im writing this down, i know what to do next. writing to you just gives me the setback that i will do it. like my conscience.

i am indeed suffering from depression. i have been sleeping alot but my body still cries out for rest. i have gone really quiet. i dont attend school as regularly as i do before. i can sit in front of the computer and do as minimal work as i need to for hours. i have been eating alot, most of them are junk food. i have been having cravings, most of them are western food. i have concluded, yes i am suffering something.

my insides just want to burst out and no one seem to understand. or i dont allow them to.

something deep inside i cant deny.
a feeling so strong but yet defined.
i searched my soul in and out.
i will come to the answer, i will figure this out.

time.
something we have no control of.
something we missed out on once gone.
it changes us as it goes by.
teaches us lessons of life.
a reminder and a consequence.
a friend and a foe.
time.
please invent a time-machine would someone, please?
or just make me a wizard.
a hot wizard. ha.

truly heart-aching,
Andrea.

pictures from babyboy's 21st birthday gift, my disastrous cake(haha!!) and water skiing on Monday morning with Balaclava crew.

one word.

AWESOME!

even though i didnt try the water ski which now i regret but its okay.. i will ask my classmates about the awesome spot at EastCoastPark... its fucking fun watching people fall off their boards only 1sec on it?!! haha! superb. and the food. yumyum. i get western food like almost every other day. hee!

i still have 3 projects to go. i have yet to study for my test this coming Thursday. yacks!