till this day i pray

in the end
no matter how hard or how much we try to make things work
i still cry myself to sleep
thinking of the hurt that was caused upon me
carefully healing the wound
in time i learn
in time i love
in time i fought
but to a loss i get
i was fine but then
tiredness got to me
insecurities scare me
and i fail again
the ache i feel
the tears i gave
yet i still failed to make you see
the loss in me
even though ive cried and screamed
so loud you cant seem to hear
skimmed pass my tears
and im to blame
in the end

Night at Botanic Garden.

with all the shops closed, we had to be creative as to where to head to.

Punisher is a great movie as well.

the effects were awesome.. and gruesome too.

carrot sticks are awesome finger food.

REALLY!!

=D

i shall keep my inner thoughts just to myself because i know i'll get sued for saying it.
let me just have the last laugh...

seeing Mr Lee Kuan Yew on the streets of One Fullerton was an unusual sight.. i was at least 5metres away from him and his bodyguards. i find it abit restricting for him to enjoy the breeze by the bay with the 5 bodyguards hogging onto him.. i wished i had waved at him so he'd come over to talk to me.. because everyone that saw him just stared at him, as if he was 'nobody'... it really was a rare sight.. boyfriend told me he was an approachable person.. makes me all the more regretful for not waving at him.

thinking back of the conversation with Siew Boon the other day... its not fully true.. boyfriend gave me his opinion and i found myself thinking about it as well..

dum dum dum!
the truth reveals.
the truth hurts.
suck it up.

my friends, please dont judge me. for i am not perfect.
my darling, please dont judge me. for i gave what i could.
my love, please dont judge me. for i am my true self when im with you.

the negativity, it burns.
unlike fire, it doesnt dies down.
like love, it lingers.
and like life, never forgotten.

i hate you/

my busy days are coming..
i can smell it..
hate this..

i finally managed to figure out what i want to do after poly...
must look into the details before i finalise things with my parents...
hopefully, its a good move..

been abit paranoid these days.. i cant seem to shake off the feeling of being unimportant to everyone around me... just because what they do doesnt please me or dont remember me.. it just ticks me off...
nevertheless, it aint my fight..

happy birthday dearest best friend.
we are missing one charmed ones.

"if the old dont go, the new wont come..."

everyone is selfish

its crazy today, really.. half the day i was up, the next moment im down...
it really sucks..
the reason used to be home then,... i dont know what now.
it doesnt help i have to take care of others too. ugh

so PT was fun.. i cannot sit beside Denise la in class really, she talk alot! hahaha!! can hardly concentrate in class!! and its freaking unfair she's writing notes while i listen to her!! you're clever already woman!! give me a chance damnit! hahaa

i kinda missed my train rides home with Siew Boon. i'd always be thinking when i alight the train... another voice in life, always a plus. oh, and he said im becoming more pretty! hahahha!! coming to the same standard as Denise.. hahahha!! im so honoured!! lol

"opening up your variety of choices,
everyone is selfish, but morality comes first...,"

ya think?

hurt so good

with just a blink of an eye i've lost.
it made me wonder why i keep up with it.
i have never question anything.
i have never judged.
i have never felt so betrayed.

maybe im over reacting, i dont know.
but it hurts.
yes, you were there.
but gosh, how could you.
and it was family im told.

im in no position to correct, just opinions.
i have no words to say.

in all the pictures, i see happiness in your eyes.
im glad, happy for that moment you managed to achieve on your own.
for all the times with me, i do not see that.
i always wonder if its the people around you.
even me?
i admit defeat and i shall not try anymore.
im angry, oh so mad.
you should have known me better.

you know how people hate Mondays because they have the blues??
well, i had a horrible Monday... and i wouldnt call it Monday blues.. more like Monday red as is 'red flag'... ugh!
i shall not revive on this horrid incident that you would only want to go through it when you were in secondary school, but hey.. life aint easy, so suck it up Azi!

6 bloody months.. what in the world am i going to do till 6 month?? ugh.

ive been missing alot on life actually.. i want the sun, sand sea.. i want to rollerblade in the blazing sun and enjoy the breezy wind blowing in my hair, face and armpits. i want to scream in glee and laugh and jump when i see something funny. i want to fly in the air and sail down in maximum speed till my lips can touch my eyes.. i want to capture funny moment on my Epson camera (when i actually owns it!) and hear the 'click-click' sound it makes.. i want to be silly and sing to all the old Disney tunes in Lia's Ipod. i want to eat icecream and have brainfreeze when i slurp on Mr.Slurpee too fast.

ive been so focus on my future, so worried about the next stone to step on, so angry when my mom keep saying i finish school already, so disappointed that my family chose work over my graduation day, so clueless about what i am going to do when i step out of poly...

that i havent been Azi for quite a while. i forgot how to be Azi. now im jus Azirah. i know i sound crazy now. im a Gemini. i have split personality. i know its just a horoscope but i actually believe it because its true. i talk to me out loud sometimes that i think if people were to hear it, they would think i just graduate from IMH. really. thank god only a few people know about this blog eh. pheww.. lol

i know everybody has their own alter ego and some actually name them. its just an imagination. but for me, this person.. this alter ego (her name is Natalie by the way.. say hello=D ) actually exists. i acknowledge her. Azi acknowledge her. no, its not the voice within. its another voice within.

sheesshhh... what am i saying. you wouldnt understand it anyway.. its crazy talk. only people who admits that they are crazy understands. people who are admitted in IMH, they always say they are not crazy. so, do your math.

so many doors to open but you can only open one.
which one?
the one that have the big dollar sign on it;
or the one that pasted Tyra Banks picture on.

lalala...

let me sleep soundly tonight

whoo! many many weddings coming up this year.. im excited im jumping around and i think my eyes going to pop out! hee.

i saw many many people for during the week. i saw Nana, Shilka, Sabrina.. eh, thats it?? well, it seems alot. ahah! but i have to say, Shilka is one hot babe lahh!! jealous lahh.. damn you people with mixed blood!! grrr..

just caught Victoria's Secret 2008 on cable tv.. pretty faces with seductive eyes, arms, legs, ass... EVERYTHING!!! urghh.. and not my eyes are glued to Christina Aguilera's concert in Australia.. that girl can sing man! another hot babe, hot mum i must add.. haha!

my condolences to you and your family.
she is save with Him now.
InsyAllah.

when you fire, you hire

i hear the birds chirping in the air.
a beautiful song they sing.
so lovely, yes indeed.
makes my body sway from right to left.
like a fool i've been, but i don't care.
because im in love.

im happy today and i just can't deny it.
there are setbacks but hey, you can't escape it.
darling kiss my lips.
oh, what a wonderful feel.
'cause im happy and thats all there is.

while i wait over here, thinking of you my love.
the sun blaze down upon me, blessed oh dear.
i can't help but feel the tingle inside.
when i look in your eyes.
and see your mesmerizing eyes.
oh... im in love.

im happy today and i just can't deny it.
there are setbacks but hey, you can't deny it.
darling kiss my lips.
oh, what a wonderful feel.
'cause im happy and thats all there is.

everybody's smiling, cheery faces i see.
nobody's crying, no no no more tears darling.
'cause you're in love.

im happy today and i just can't deny it.
there are setbacks but hey, you can't escape it.
darling wont you kiss my lips.
oh, what a wonderful feel.
'cause im happy and thats all there is...

this is so random. haha..
not very well done though. lol
what title shall i give this song... hmmm... Today? lol

run away like a coward. you're not worth my time.

please look up the song For Once In My Life and Are You Lonesome Tonight by two of my favourite artists.

like a sting ray. it burns out of sight. maybe it hurt lesser if you dont see it coming. that way it'll be much easier to heal the pain.

as the clock chimed for the last time, i got ready to leave the house. i never felt this way before. i fear to step out of home. but like man, we have no choice. so out i go, into the hurtful world i fear. and whilst the wind blow into my face i let a sigh of relief. i'll start this day afresh, i told myself. i will live this day to the fullest. because if tomorrow never comes, i fear i'd never get the chance to live it all. and i think it got better. i am not mad nor needy. i was calm and myself. i am happy how it went along. i am back. im back baby.

this joy i longed felt. like the first time i laid my lips on yours. so sweet and tender. and i want more and more. the absence of a being still haunts me. but i bid in respect. forgive me for being hurt. because i love you more than life itself.

with only a picture left as a memory. i plant it in my sleep. whenever i dream of you, i weep. and i know He weeps too. this is my silent goodbye and apology, to you my love. you're an angel in disguise, i wouldnt want to keep.

what does it takes

what does it takes to be heard and felt?
to be understood even when ceritified insane.
to look into someone's eyes and feel his pain.
to hold her for 20minutes and not say a word.

what does it takes to remember the person you love?
to make sure she knows you're safe where ever you are even when she's sound asleep.
to make sure she understands your sms and not having her asking what it is.

kinda like the song If I Were A Boy.

but whatever right. im too tired to notice all this.

"i rather be a fool with a broken heart"

a change for a name

as you can see, ive change my blogskin. what ya think? told you im in need of change..

so its the second post for the day. i havent done anything since then except eat. hahah
im hungry now.

tomorrow im going to Abang Shahril's (cousin from dad's side) engagement. finally something good from dad side. suppose to be at East Coast Park today but i was abit lazy and do not what to travel all the way there even though it was just one bus. far la sey.. so sorry Ean. im sure they already threw you into the sea by now. drunk and wet. how exciting. lol

i really need to start on my projects. urgh.

jom naik beca!

HAPPY 2009 ALL!

started off the last day of 2008 in school.. everybody was looking forward to get out of school and enjoy the long weekend. all have plans, especially me *grins*.
i was late to meet the girls so once i arrive at the house, everybody was all dressed up.. doing their last minute touch ups.. sound so bimbo. lol

it wasnt a very great exprience with the girls, but we had our laughs. pitched at One Fullerton, sat down by the sea while waiting for the fireworks. the fireworks was amazing... foam flew in the air and into our hairs during the fireworks. i didnt care actually, just ticklish when the foam lands on my nose *smiless*.
i held my girls close to me, silently saying my goodbyes to the past year and wishing i could witness the fireworks with my busy boyfriend who was at work nearby.

we headed home after that, bumped into Adelia who was tipsy in the train (haha!) so the devil that i am, i tried to confuse her when she asked us questions. hahha! i got smacked on the head for doing that. lol. my back was hurting and my stomach was having an Olympic Games in there, so once i reached home i lay on the couch and ate my cheeseburger. every good has its bad right.. so whatever, not going to mention it.. the girls was karaoke-ing to malay love songs which seriously made me sleepy and it was 3am in the morning... after the CD ended, they had their own concert... singing to all the songs they know and could remember, from Tony Orlando to The Backstreets Boys and Destiny's Child. hahha

after Lynn left, we all took turns to take our long awaited shower and planned to take a morning walk (it was already 5am then) at Seleter Reservoir, but i fell asleep on Nana's bed til 10am the next day! so i didnt take the shower! eeeww! the girls didnt wake me up either.. when i asked what happen, they said they tried to wake me up but it seem like i was dead!! hahahha!! they left me a note before they took the walk, thinking i might wake up in the middle of the night (which i did.. haha!) and wonder where they were. and they slept on the couch la cause i was sleeping on all the mattresses.. feel so bad laaa!!

we all look and behave badly in the mornings, i realise.. haha!

i shall post the pictures when i get them from Nana and Lynn. funny funny pictures *grins*

people cheering and whistles chirping as the fireworks began. i saw her cry silently and i held her closer to me. i looked up to the lighted night sky for the fire display, planting my wish on every drop of fire. my mind drifted to my beloved and cherished. i felt the raindrops of the tears of my heart. silent goodbyes and hopes. i smiled when i looked at the moon that night. it wasnt a full moon nor was it bright. so long 2008, hello 2009 and the big two zero coming up.

happy 16th