my mind stop racing.
my heart continues pounding.
my emotions drives me up the wall.

tears starts streaming.
mouth starts cursing.
these terrible words i know.

im strong.
im stronger than i ever know.

i lost.
i lost to the smallest war.

im weak.
weak to defend my throne.

i've fallen to the ground deep within.
struggle to get out.
the smashing and slashing begans.
with all the sins and lies i've made.

in this world i believe.
there is faith and truth.
strength and unity.

i've fallen deep within.
an empty space i was once in.

anger management

anger management goes down the drain..
i thought im strong..
but emotions got the better of me..
i shouldnt have called you..
i didnt think you wouldnt know how to console me..
i always thought you could..
and for that im sorry for putting that burden on you..
im truly sorry..

thanks my dear.
owe you one.

crush you and hit you at the curb.
smash your face ino the glass window.
and smile as you bleed.
stare at everyone and anyone who tries to help you.
because they know they'll get the same if they do.
and you know you deserve it too.
for all the lies and pretence.
the betrayal and one night stands.
the smiles that you potray.
you sick pig.
you disgust me.

reportsssss

heloo..
i havent been updating..
no mood arh babe..
lol..

i dont know what im feeling right now..
maybe because at the back of my mind i know i have to finish up 3 reports by 9April..
and im wondering who is passerby who tagged my blog..
how he/she know what im talking/feeling..
its very interesting because nobody can read me through my blog..
even my boyfriend have to ask what i meant by this or these..
interesting...
he/she must have been reading my blog quite frequently i suppose..
hmm..

i miss my babyboy very much..
very much..

god i have so many things to do in so little time!!
i've got test next week!!
i better brush up my everything before everything!!
urghhh!!
i hope i aced it.
please..
============================================================
sometimes its frustrating to ponder..
about the past, present, future..
how we used to feel and dream..
what we will be in 10years time..
attached, engaged, married or even with kids..
its beyond our imagination and control..
only He will know.
has known. already know.
so we question..
why is this so?
what did i do to deserve this?
or why me?
unanswered we receive.
and we saw it coming.


babies, tattoos, 17year old.
pushing prams aware of staring eyes.
mini skirts and sleeveless they wear.
with a child in their arms.
needless to say "i've told you so"..
nothing i do could end this.
the world turn into a new millenium..
so wrong yet no say.
====================================================

kay im so lazy to rearrange the pictures so thereyougo!

*smiles..

pictures taken for the past few days of my life

when Diana came into my life once more..

thought i lost her but yeah.. *grins.

im happy.

so very happy.

lazy to update..

nothing happen today.

got access to SwissHotel swimming pool and gym.

went to Pure Yoga and Fitness First.

ate my favorite Super Spicy Ramen.

and yes its suuuuuuuperrrrrrrrrr spicy..

but i love it! hee.

ate dinner with SiewBoon at Delifrance.

fussy people wants good service. hah.

duhh.. who doesnt?? lol.

remembered the time at Changi Airport with Diana.

she so cute lah quarrel with the service provider.. lol.

mintak fries lain kali!!

nyehah.

bought boyfie socks. *grins..

i know you want to knock my head..

hahhaa.

bleahs.

you still love me though.

*smilessss

i miss Ang Jasmin Sylvia!!

did i spell that correctly?? lol.

nobody messes with my friends,sisters,brothers.

nobody.

how could you let someone badmouthed about the person

who was once your world huh??

how could you??

you still havent change one bit!

ASSHOLE!

motorcross

thanks to Diana.

this is soooo coool lahhh!!

and its GREEN!!
i like this one than the one you showed me..

almost the same but different.

lol.

belikan sayang?? *smiles

volleyball

school was actually fun today..
starting the day late..
haha..
im not always late.. but yeahh..
woke up today and i was feeling tired..
thought of taking my off but no..
saving it for later..
had McMuffin for breakfast..
had meeting with DamienLee a few hours later..
finally photocpied my MC.
sent it to DamienLee..
came back to the gym and found that it was full..
there was Zara's and Farhan's PT..
hah..
i really pity them..
everytime kena torture..
haha..
had lunch with babyboy..
little misunderstanding but both are matured enough to dimissed it as stupid..
went back to the gym and watched some videos that Zara and Huai Xin thought i would be scared..
end up i didnt have any reaction to it..
lol..
its stupid but it did got me a little..
you caught me in a wrong mood..
i was alert that time..
nyehah..
after that played a ridiculous game of Handball with 2per team..
hahah..
then we joined Kenneth and Isa at the badminton court.
after they left, Wei Teck. JamesA, Zara and me continued playing volleyball..
we shall make it interesting the next time huh Zara...
after that.. HOME NOT SO SWEET HOME!!
haha..



it was love chatting with Diana..
we will hang out soon kayy!!



some people are just not worth being written about..
why you bother?
nothing to do i suppose.
hah.

miss you sayang..

you're sucha dumbbell.

Wish You Were Here

I dig my toes into the sand

The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket

I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless

And in this moment I am happy

Happy

I wish you were here

I wish you were here

I wish you were here

I wish you were...here

I lay my head onto the sand

The sky resembles a back-lit canopy with holes punched in it

I'm counting UFO's, I signal them with my lighter

And in this moment i am happy

Happy

I wish you were here

I wish you were here

I wish you were...here

Wish you were here

The world's a rollercoaster

And I am not strapped in

Maybe I should hold with care

But my hands are busy in the air

I wish you were here

I wish you were...

I wish you were here

I wish you were here

I wish you were...here

Wish you were here

constantly yearning for you.

screamm

i came across a picture of a lady on friendster randomly cause i was damn bored.
the picture is nice, yes.
lightings and editting very well done.
the lady herself and posing.. i give her a minus zero.
like seriously dude..
come on lahh..
you are fat already still wear like that.
then pose nak step maut..
waddahell lahh..
eeeeewwwww..
its so disgusting lah seriously...
i dont understand why girls like to take their pictures naked and posting it on friendster..
i have no problems with you taking the picture but to post it and the whole world can see...
it just show what kind of person you are..
like seriously..
do a check on yourself first before posting anything online..
if you have flaws like fats and what not..
please do not post them up...
im saving your ass here man..
from embarassment and total discrimination..
its different if you do that so people would talk about you..
then i have nothing to say lahh..
*shruggs.

the gym suddenly filled with guys that are not hot at all..
omg.
its the holidays lahh..
dont you guys got a life or somewhere to go??
its monday night!!
urghh..
its only Kenny and me tonight cause the rest went to a soccer match at NTU..

I MISS MY BABY BOY!!

feel like punching his face

feel like punching his face is the title.
cause everybody thinks for himself.
and makes others feel like shit.
to think i talked so much good about him.
and he bring me down to the gutter.
thanks alot for asking me first sir.
he's just a pain in the ass.
i still feel like punching his face.
i shall vent it on the wall then.

waiting for Ms.Sulastri to come.
my eyes hurt from the soreness of these invention of contact lens..
im just making my post sound interesting arent i?
who cares?
MY blog.

received an sms and an email from PrincessElla.
Mount Fugi or Mount Everest, you take care and remember you are always remembered.
get it?
hah.

monday blues i guess.
still feel like punching his face.

had a marvelous day yesterday with babyboy.
caught StepUp2..
yup storyline sucks but dance moves were awesome.
Streets For Life.
hah.
Diana, lets make our own crew.
lol.
i shall keep our little secret about drooling kay baby *winks.

heavy heart i feel.
the pain in my eyes helped ease a little.
i would have bash him up right there and then.
for being rude and so full of crap.
i did hit the counter as loud as i can.
i wish last night would never end.
laying close to you.
cuddled up like a baby.
serenity in your face.
as the songs filled the room.
i stare at the ceiling and hope.
that you and i would work out.
you are everything i ever need.
the one i always want.

i love you bacin.

bowling..

just got home from bowling with family at West Bowl at Clementi..
i have no idea where it was.. ask the driver..
hah.
i was having a bad game throughout..
until the last bowl..
i finally got a strike lah cann!!
urghh..
damn long..
the last bowl..
thanks mann!!
haha..
okay, for those who dont know me im quite competitive when it comes to games..
i remember last time i used to cry when i lost in any game i play with my cousins..
come to think of it i always end up losing..
hah.
i aint no more sore loser, punk!
haha..
i love bowling with my cousins..
its damn fun lahh!
hee.

tomorrow StepUp2..
storyline sucky right??
im just in for the dance moves..
hee.
Diana!
can i follow you to Hiphop class pleeeassseeee??
i'll be a good girl, i promise.
*grinss
i shall not drool over the hot instructor..
nyehah..
takmu jealous eh baby..
i havent seen him lohh...
hahha..
can Diana??
pretty pleeeasseee...
maybe you can teach me some moves..
*gets up and shake booty
hahahah..

wahlau..
dont know why im such in a good mood today..
lol.
maybe because im meeting my soldier tomorrow..
hee.
cant wait!
*muacks muacks!

i miss this moment

i read it over and over again..
i couldnt figure out for whom its meant for..
its at the tip of my tongue but i couldnt figure out who..
now i know.
its her.

boredom strikes

im so bored with this stupid computer..
walaupun dia dah banyak berjasa...
its still irritating!!
urghh..
and there's nothing i can do here..
all my pictures are gone, my picture editting software gone too!!
so boringgg...
i kept all my pictures in this computer and its all gone!!
urghhh..
so freaking annoying!!
bodoh Azirah!
urghh!



got home at 10pm just now..
night shift at the gym..
its raining the whole day today..
3days straight..
hope it doesnt rain tomorrow..
rahmat Tuhan..
aku percaya...



to you:
im so sorry.
i didnt mean to hurt you.
i dont know why i didnt tell you i was sick the past two days..
i admit its my fault for not taking the initiative to tell you..
i dont know..
i just felt you need time to yourself.
do whatever you want.
whatever that makes you happy.
and not because you-just-need-to-get-out.
no.
i told you to take care of yourself first right??
im scared we'd fight again.
i dont want to.
its horrible.
the thought of losing the only friendship.. its scary.
i dont have anyone else.
except my boyfriend but he's not 24/7 with me..
the rest of the time im waiting for you.
waiting for you because i dont know if you're ready to see the world again.
after hiding.
from everything and everyone.
i told you before..
i dont care when you're ready, i just want to see it happen.i'll wait.
till the end of time, i will.
i just want to see it happen.
i want to see you make it happen.
i love you.

and i love you too bacin!

YOK MASAK BABAT!

today will be my last day on medical leave.

had fever, super bad sore throat and flu.

back to school tomorrow..

not really looking forward to it though.

hah.

but what to do..

so sian..

urghh..

babyboy came to visit me just now.

so sweet my babyboy..
he was suppose to bring me to see the doctor on monday.. but this stubborn bitch decided to go on her own..

*smiles

the doctor talk so loud i so paisehh lah can..

i hope the antibiotics help..

im scared..

i dont really know whats happening in school even though i asked there isnt any definite answer..

i asked.

my fault??

i dont think so..

school's a bitch lahh easy to say..

caught 10 000 BC last weekend...

i thought it was a stupid show but i ended up getting so into the movie..

i was talking loudly in the cinema and i didnt realize it..

so paisehh..

hahh..

and i was running a fever then..

and having my first day period.

grrrreeeeeaaaaatttt...

sorry for making you worried baby..

next thursday i will be sitting for my basic theory test..

AND I HAVENT EVEN OPEN THE BOOK LAHHH!!!

procastinatinggggg...

urghh..

must start tonight..

must start tonight..

*roll eyes

to you:

i shall disappear from your life..

so you will feel how i felt then till now.
for you to disappear and come again and act as if nothing happen and disappear again, its killing me..

you will always be my sister.

and i will pay you back.

thank you for understanding me all this while..

i owe you alot.

alot.

but what you did to me is too much for me to handle.

you hurt me sister.

hurt me until i have to make this decision to go away because i will hurt you if i dont.

you will hear from me one last time.

to pay you back.

i have to pay you back.

i will.

soon.

im sorry for dragging it and breaking my promise.

soon.

i just need you to reply me.

im sure you will.

goodbye sister.

the smiles i once fake,you made it worse.

ratss

my computer screen just turnes yellow..
how great..
my eyes hurt from looking at it..
like i have a choice..
lol..

today i went back home with Wei Teck..
we took the other side of the lift up the SA office because this guy wants to buy Milo..
lol..
so we had to walk along the corridor to drop the key..
THERE WAS A RAT!
ok fine it was a mice but so what??!!
same species!!
i hate rats..
and frogs.
i can handle anything but those.
eeeee..
yucks..
so anyway.. Wei Teck was the one who made the rat(mice..whatever) got the opposite way where we were coming from while i was screaming my lungs out saying...
"I'M GOING DOWN!! I DONT WANT!! I DONT WANT!!!"
mind you it was 9+pm when the whole school was quiet and there's echo when you talk..
haha..
soooo embarassing!!!
i ran from the corridor to the lift when Wei Teck manage to corner the rat..
i ran like a mad woman laahhh!!!
and Wei Teck was laughing at me when we were in the lift..
so embarassing!!
haiyohhh!!!
hahhahahahhaha..
but i admit, it was funny...
nyehah..

yellow screen is soo irritating..
shall go now..
peace.

always be loved.

my crazy boyfriend.

he's intimidating yet 'kental'.

he's loud yet shy.

he's everything i could ask for.

my sun, my rain, my cloud 9.

nothing more.

nothing less.

untill the end of time eh bacin?

*smiles

i know you love me too.

hee.

my Charmed ones.

the comfortable silences, the shrieking laughter.

the random trips around Singapore, the crazy nicknames.

the distances and closeness.

the smiles and tears.

i miss you.

Diana bte Ibrahim.
one of the few that keeps me going.
she's strong and young.
naive yet matured.
she's the girl every girls hopes to be.
dreams to be.
but never get to be.
she's one in a million.
and im grateful i've known her.
since the day we met and many more to come.
you will always be loved.