stagnant

its like standing on the streets of NewYorkCity..
all buzzing pass, but she's just standing there.
no emotions portray.
just there.
marching bands, chasing cars, models parade.
actors, singers, directors, producers.
all pass her by.
the best part was, no one noticed her.

emotionless.
stagnant.
this is scary.
hate this.

i cant wait for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
because it means : babyboy, babyboy, babyboy!!
*grins*
upset i never blogs about you right?? NAHHH!! AMEK KAUU!

i havent been eating right. i sleep like a log. i couldnt hear/feel any vibration from my phone(mind you its an old phone.. the vibration's damn loud/strong can?!?) unless i've woken up a few hours ago from my 'beauty' sleep. really, it aint a beauty. i didnt hear anything from my girlfriends. my world now evolves around school, boyfriend and family. im always damn tired. i appear enthusiastic for anything and everything. i just backed out of a Wii session with James and Raymond, whatthehell is wrong with me??!!! they are the most funnest people and i bail out on them!?! stupid or what, azi?!?im such a spoilt sport. really. i better start training for my Napfa. like seriously. first i have to get through my exams and pass with flying colours. damn, that is so secondary school....

i hate my life. im so fucking useless. my boyfriend's working is ass off and im spending his money. he has problems of his own damnit. im so fucking useless. i hate my life.

take me away,
put me in a box;
seal it up and dont let any air in for me to breathe.
maybe it'll get better then.

screaming and cursing on the sidewalk

Siti Nur Insyirah's the name. totally steal mine! hahah! i didnt have any picture but i do love the picture of her older, cepat merenyek and chubby sister. she's so damn cute. both of them. saw Haikal and Azlin on the way to the cinema... its been a while you two.. Daing (pronounced as Da-Ying.. haha), his wifey, Kenneth (AhBeng) and Kenneth (panjang.. he's really tall.. and you thouught im tall.. hahaha!!), boyfie and me watch DarkKnight, like finally.. haha.. it was draggy.. and some scenes i got the shock of my life, maybe because we were sitting in the first three rows!! came out witha stiff neck and aching bottom from the two and half hours show. i like the car better than the bike.. heh.

overshot my stop by four bus stops to be exact. it was dead hot and sunny. my RayBan didnt help. i should have taken my bubble bee one instead. walked back alongside AdamRd and headed up the gigantic slope that i failed running up on it. walked in the interview room (bowling alley), covered in both cold and hot sweat, suddenly being bombed with questions that i couldnt think of the answer and the word 'shit' keep coming out from my mouth!!! how the fuck am i suppose to get the job?!?! haha!!! it was fun!! hahahahaa!!! damn i never want to experience that again!

had a laugh with Khal, Kenny, Rachel, Philip, Charmain and Daryl while waiting for CRM lecture at 5pm.. i headed back to school after the interveiw.. im such a good girl.. and people say IM BAD!! tsk. hahaha! lesson learnt: eye, prey, spy, jump and GO!! HAHA! psycho killer.. lol

imissmybestfriendcanwegooutpleaseiknowihavetonsofworktodouggggghhhhhhhh!!!

cant wait for Friday! *winks*

essentials.

casts away

hmm.. this blog been dead for a while.. thousand apologies. i have been busy with school. like really busy. im not the person that stays up till 2am on the computer surfing the net.. if you were online this past week you would see me in "project mode" during that time. well, now things have died down a little and i can finally breathe a bit easily.. im looking forward for the coming Saturday as it will be the last time i'll be wearing formal attire to school. yes, Saturday. Entrepreneurship Day, or i like to call it TOTALLYBULLSHIT DAY. haha!! sound like Jackson ehh?? hahahah!!

finally get to see my bestfriend after the wedding. both of us had this stupid grin on our faces the minute we saw each other at the train station. like kid getting candy. haha! i miss her loads. met James, Zul, Raymond, Denise and Bing at Cineleisure.. didnt join them though, would love to. sorry babes. travel down to Far East cause Leia havent eaten and she wants 'real food' *roll eyes* haha.. talked and bitched.. like always.. i was carrying a big bag full of clothes, courtesy of Ang Jasmin Sylvia (syg betol tk??lol!!). thanks a whole bunch! like literally.. hahha.. gawd.

saw my cousin at CityLink. made me miss my future cousin-in-law (his fiance lahh!!).. so i smsed her saying i miss her. we shall go out dinner soonish yarr.. hehe.

damn, i want to watch Brazil vs Spore with Diidi!! ughhh!! stupidly sold out!

ohh! i didnt know Baihakki and Norfasarie are married!! haaaaa...

my cam-whoring sessions. haha!!

the wedding was marvelous.

i think it went well, even though i arrived late. hee.

Aisyah caught me by surprise. how much she has grown over the years. maybe i jus hasnt seen her for a very long time. even her sister has grown so much too!

i think her husband looked like some actor.. haha..

i got jealous when my boyfriend praised Alfarahizah Awangnit who i totally disagree her going out with Shah Iskandar.. like wth.. takde pompuan lain ke.. haha! bitch lahh can..

shall stop yanking and go on with the pictures.. the rest of the pictures are with the girls.. this is all i have.

yellow yellow

english babeh when?? lol!!

life's a bitch

its good to be back. i miss your presence. really.. i'll see you tomorrow, mama.

it dawned on me that im so fucking isolated from my family when my dad said "it seemed as if you are not enthusiastic about this". he's right actually. i am isolated from my family. even my extended family. though now my family has grown and the newcomers are the nicer one talking to me.. maybe want to create good impression so i'd like them and they wont feel outcast in the family.. hahah!! merepek! ughh.. come to think of it, i miss Kak Aliss.. another June baby. she likes purple! how cool lahh!! hehe.. Kak Uda and Kak Aliss are the only people i feel comfortable with in my family. oh, and my uncle too. maybe because both of us are into sports, he's a soccer coach taking degree in SportsManagement (he encourage me to take it up in Australia, if only i have the money lahh Wak).. he will always sit down and talk to me about how im doing in school and share he's difficulty studying and meeting datelines for projects.. hahah.. he's cool.. too bad my grandfather passed. he's also another person im comfortable and loveeeeeeeeeeeeeee soooooooo bloody much.. shit im tearing.. i miss him.

i guess i grew up with a different mindset compared to my siblings. i love them, but i prioritise other things such as school and friends more than them. mainly because i know they will always be there and that i can count on them.. its weird i know. but this is how i work. i dont expect you to understand, i just need you to know. as if you read my blog. hah.

i miss talking to my dad. im so hostile to everybody. i dont let them near me. because i will hurt them. i tried being as close to my sisters, but i can only see them far. taking care of them without getting close to them, getit? i dont think so. really i miss my dad. i dislike him for my own reasons but i love him. i do. i just cannot forget it. i just cant. i cant. and it will always be with me and be a reminder for because i know, i know i will be like him. and im scared. im bloody scared. i love my boyfriend. i love him. i dont want to do anything that will hurt him. i dont. im scared. im really scared.

this is what you get, this is all i've got.

HUHU!!

i've been dancing to PussyCatDolls 'When I Grow Up' for my workout routine whenever i get the chance to. haha. i dont have a room of my own.. thats the reason why. and im not a dancer, but i know i can dance well. but i wont go to the extend of participating in some competition to show off my talent.. like some people in 'So You Think You Can Dance' who thinks they can dance but in fact they actually cant. which is so embarassing. i'd be embarassed.

today im happy. my presentation went well even though we were one man down due to mother nature. my project group meeting went smoothly and for the first time, on time. i saw RichardMarkJansen!!!!!!!!! he superrrrrr HAWT!!! urghh!! only get to hear him sang one line!! damnit Jackson!! i was making stupid noises on the way to the mrt cause James couldnt get his picture for me.. so Jackson said i should have ran up to the stage and hug him. haha.. i should have, huh. lol. i met my boyfriend whom i havent seen for 3days (i swear it felt longer than that!!) and watched him eat. i miss you tau.. and my best girlfriend called me up and we had a nice talk. it was like riding on an emotional rollercoaster; it was thrilling.

school's been hectic. i've been smsing Diidi on alternate days and hearing bad news. i wish i could give you a hug right now darling. you'll be fine. i hope you will. family doesnt help at all. i dont wish to elaborate. my girls are insane people. i still love them. i've been spending my time on the computer if not, i'd be dancing my stress away in my room; being very tired after that and eventually bathed and sleep like a dead person through the night. which is so bad of me because i wouldnt even feel the vibration of my phone when my boyfriend sms me saying he's home from work at 234am.

i love you. i miss laughing with you. i miss being stupid with you;
i hate arguing with you. i hate being hopeless and useless. i hate being apart from you.

i miss us.

my modelling sessions are over..
it was fun.. and embarassing..
i only took photos for today's session..
i dont have a camera phone so yeahh..
today was couple theme with Raymond...
some were very good..
some..
hahaha..
okay a handful..
hahhaa..

pose #1

pose#2

pose#3

two can play the game.

let's see who wins this time eh?

motherfuckers.

dissapointment

everyday i never fail to look at your photograph.
even though i see you almost everyday.
i can never get enough of you.
never can i ever resist you.

nature was on my side today.
it rained. so no one can see me cry.
that was all i could do, when all i want to do is to curse and swear.
i've been brushing off all emotions inside of me.
till i couldnt recognise the image im seeing in the mirror anymore.

"then thats not fair!"
i cried a thousand tears. i played a thousand melodies.
but i keep climbing hoping things would change, and it did.
im glad. im proud to be a part of it.
but the bad took away all the good.
and the sky turns grey and the water from the rain washes progress away.
im left sitting here, all alone again.
i've been standing in the gas, and you have been the flame.
now you're fired up and ready to go.
just leave me be.
just go.

im in love with elvis. he's hot.

*smiles widely*

im not pregnant!!
hahahah!!
siak jekk...
haha!!

i got writer's block.
maybe due to my latest obsession to retail therapy..
hahaaa..
so i shall leave you buggers with pictures instead..
okay okay??
*two thumbs up*

cool. enjoy suckers.

TEP Awards Day.

Wicked Aura Batucada Night.

Sentosa with love.

me,myself and i.

my boyfriend and his stupid faces

i love you still, baby.

*smiles widely*

Dear Miss DreamCatcher,

i feel a little light-headed today. i was feeling lazy so i wore a dress and my 'adidas' boots to school, even though i wasnt the one taking the award. i was abit dissappointed i didnt get the award, really. i put a lot of effort, time and sweat. oh wells. i couldnt do anything about it now, can i?? nevertheless, i went down to supoort my fellow classmates, teammates,.. whatever. Mr.LionelTeo wasnt the best actor, but he tried (haha!!). there was a part where two male lecturers was holding hands!! fucking GAY!! i was sitting next to James so we were both looking at girls asses rather than clapping our hands when they were giving out the awards. yes, bisexual indeed. *smirks*
and so we concluded that chinese girls have no asses, except for Huai Xin (im so dead!). Denise, Raymond and Amali was outstandingly looking good just now which calls for picture taking. and that turned out to be SW photoshoot in the middle of the reception. awesome people. looooovveeeee them. *roll eyes*
and people can never stop criticising about my boots.
"going fishing?"
"work at construction site?"
"snowing ahh?"
"wear pyjamas to school for whatt??"
yadayadayada.... even Mr.JamesWong joined in the 'fun'..
*insert i-dont-care face*

i went home having to miss my stop and 'telanjak-ing' till Marsiling (thank god!). i was certain i slept with my mouth wide open but i couldnt remember. lucky no pervert (haha!). it started to pour and i was loving it. it was cool, cold and inspiring. although it was dark and wet, i love the rain. i hope to meet the girls on Saturday since im out in the morning for project. hopefully.

needless to say, my days are duller by the dozen. i want to get all my projects done and over with so i could enjoy my days with my boyfriend and friends. whats worse is that i couldnt see as well as i can before. i need to get my eyes fixed. mum offers to pay a sum but straight up its not even half of it. but im glad she made the initiative. its been a long time she did that.

to whom it may concern,
i respect you and what you do. but i dont want you to get hurt. a simple sms, it can break you. do you know that?? i think you do. i dont want you to get hurt. what you are now, it took a hell lot of time, tears, laughters, silence, trust. i will always be here. you know that. whatever you are doing now, its not wrong. its risky from my point of view. i know you know that he can dissapear again. i know you know. i know you have prepared youself for that. sigh. i dont know how to make you understand what im trying to say. i just dont want you hurt and dissapear again, you hear me? i dont know if im able to get you back. because seriously, right now, you are a changed, more beautiful, mature, clever individual. at times im glad you can do without me. because you couldnt last time. it make me smile everytime you are able to communicate and not be wary of what you say all the time. you getit? i dont want to lose what you are now. i dont want YOU to lose what you are now. because now, you are great. you always say you're better. no, you are great. dont get hurt okay? i love you babe.

my les partner

"i hate it when my brother screams like a girl"

i am very happy today. first, i got to meet my babyboy. HAPPY 11TH MONTH SAYANG!! hehe. side-tracked. kk. secondly, i saw Mr.Hottie from school, Haizad lahh!! the guy with the actor face. hahah!! thirdly, i saw a few of the boys from WICKED AURA BATUCADA at Cafe Cartel at Raffles City!! and lastly, i got to meet my bitching sisters Fazzy and Leia. *smiles widely* im super dooooppeeerrr happy and thank god the day is ending soon because i wouldnt want anyone to ruin it. hehe!!

kay. i forgot what i want to blog.
oh wells.
I LOVE YOU SOLDIER!!

yessiree! *smiles widely*