Snorta!

Friday was fun.. hung out with my chinese cliques at Mind'sCafe at Dhoby... the final game was simply the best! so going back there for the laughs! hahahah! the malay girl was cute too! turn lesbian? maybe.. hahahaha!! walked from Dhoby to Bugis with Siewboon and stumbled on great deals.. like really really great deals lahh!!

one word to you, babi.
seriously, like dont you have any heart? babi.
you're not even worth it now.
im just waiting...
still waiting...
i may be one person but others are with me.
but they love you too much to break your heart.
im done.
seriously, babi.

its a little bit funny, this feeling inside.

the finishing line

DUM! DUM! DUM! (suppose to be a sound effect-like but whatever.. lol)
I FINALLY, OFFICIALLY AM OUTTA SCHOOL!!! WOOOHOOO!!!
exams went well i suppose, i manage to complete all paper with satisfaction.
endure for 4long days without boyfriend's presence except on the weekends... and i am proud to say, "YES I DID IT YA'LL!!" hahahha!!

fucking high now lah... Zul punched his fists in the air when the teachers are collecting the answer booklets... everybody was smiling with glee, afraid to make to much noise but once the teachers announced we can leave the examination hall... Hallelujah! (i hope i spelled that correctly.. if not Rachel will kill me.. haha!!)

im so going to miss the criticism from Jackson and my chinese cliques about my outrageous (i would say, unique *smiles*) outfit for school.. today they called me little red indian.. wth right?? but whats great but a good laugh yea?? haha!

next stop, Bintan Beach Club.
baby, let it go ya. *winks*

little red indian? NOT! =P

undefinite

well, i guess i basically screwed up my HumanResourceManagement paper this morning... Monday blues? probably.. i came just on time for the paper.. and knowing me, i hate to be kanchiong for the paper so i usually come in early for the paper... but damnit, i miscalculated the amount of time i need to travel down to YioChuKang and to the examination hall.. gawd..

suppose to be studying but i got the feeling my sleeping buds kicking in right now.. shall turn in for a quick nap before i start my horror on Health and Wellness preparation tomorrow. God be with us!

-_-

niteynite old folks.

blooded letter

Dear Dreamcatcher,

i wish you were real. so i can talk to you. about i, me and myself. i want to tell you that i wish my knight in shining armour would come and rescue me from this cruel world, full of harted and revenge. sorrows and tears. nothing but selfishness and selflessness. take me to a faraway land, where all are happy and free. joy in every laughter, even tears. i wish everything i said was real.

i wish you were real. so i can talk to you. i used to have someone, but they are long gone. i hate them now. pretence and bucket full of pity. not the slightest tingle of guilt. full of themselves yet portraying it isnt. its either i keep hearing the same old stories or no stories at all.

ive always been here. always. and yet im still the one that is straying away. pui. fucking look at yourself in the mirror and tell me when have i not been there in your moment of sorrows. ive put myself out there and let you know my deepest darkest secret which i could have chosen not to tell you and you are out there having the time of your life with your sister on the day i lose a precious being. ive put myself out there in grief and helplessness yet none come to my rescue. and when i decide to not lean against the pillar i built so strong, it barks at me saying im selfish and ungrateful. pui.

clearly you dont need me. clearly what we have is nothing compared to what you have with your sister and your friends. clearly after all these years, its just a normal word called 'friends'. or is it?

no matter how long and deep my river of tears, it doesnt heal the pain you've caused. im utterly disappointed. and you are the only one i have left. i am ashame of this relationship you called Bitchalization.

its time to catch someone else's dream now. and be the protector to someone who deserve it.

Sincerely,
Natalie

start of the day

suppose to start the day by travelling miles down to Orchard Rd just to make payments for EPT and IPP before i start my studying quests alone...
been alone these few days.. yet so many things happen.. like Valentine's Day and last day of school.. hectic yet i feel like shit.

3years in poly. My first official Valentine's Day celebration.. gosh i can go on yapping about this the whole day but what for. my experiences, my memories. im selfish, yes. but never selfless.

ive lost my friends along the way, but im content with the ones that stayed and most of them are new. it disappoints me because we vowed to stay together through all odds but i guess the odds got in the way. im not easily disappointed but if i do, it must be a big thing or its someone i love and care about. utter disappointment. totally reeks.
nevertheless, thanks for all those times we had and shared.
you really dont need me.

Diidi! let's watch He's Just Not That Into You!!!

days of our life

V'Day

Lonestar
Amazed

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take

Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away

Ive never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams

I dont know how you do what you do
Im so in love with you
It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do
Baby Im amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark

Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart

Oh it feels like the first time every time
I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes

I dont know how you do what you do
Im so in love with you
It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do
Baby Im amazed by you

Every little thing that you do
Im so in love with you
It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do
Oh, every little thing that you do
Baby, Im amazed by you

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!

yester-years

OMG!!
its officially the last two days of schoooool!! im so going to miss my classmates, coursemates and schoolmates lahhh!!! *sob sob*
final stretch after Friday's presentation.
did a debrief on previous ones, i hope all comments was taken positively and there was no hard feelings or whatsoever... in the end, we did well.. i hope our grades are well too..


i have so many things to say yet i have nothing to say at all.. to this computer, my friends or even my boyfriend.. i dont know what it is but i have absolutely zero things to talk about this days..


i love Siraj's jam studio at Haji Lane. it so cosy and the stage area can be transformed into a Masquerade Party that me and Lia has always dream about.. its absolutely perfect.. size and everything.. imagine everybody coming from Bugis MRT station all dressed up in their fancy clothes and masks and they'll be parading through Haji Lane St towards the party location.. what a sight i tell you! its a must see! especially if everybody come together as a group! wouldnt it be fun!!!??


funny how people can still dwell about their past for so long and still be paranoid and crazy when issues about it came up.. i absolutely do not understand how and why. how can one hold on for something so long, even if it breaks countless times and why would one want to fix it up again even though he knows it will break again? doesnt that means you are allowing yourself to be disappointed and broken again? doesnt that mean you are still in the old books while others are running around like madman enjoying life and you know you are losing out on things you should be doing? doesnt that mean you know you are losing on things and here you are complaining about how life is so unfair to you but you still want to be fourteen?? doesnt that mean that the fault is in you and that you are actually blaming others for it because they cannot help you up?? doesnt it?
i dont know. ask them.

wow. i do have something to say.

sentosa with love.

2nd last presentation session.

CNY at Lionel's.

officially

kay, im officially sick of doing motherfucking projects!!

ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

it doesnt help that i ws left alone at home while my family went to Changi Airport for dinner at Popeye's... plus my friends are out partying at StJames!!!! shit!! urghhh!!!!

this is so uncool lah!!

one more week.. of hell!

Beautiful Song

John Lengend
Everybody Knows

It gets harder everyday, but I can't seem to shake the pain.
I'm trying to find the words to say, please stay.
It's written all over my face.
I can't function the same when you're not here.
Calling your name when no one's there.
And I hope one day you'll see nobody has it easy.
I still can't believe you've found somebody new.
But I wish you the best, I guess.

Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows.
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt.
We've heard it all before, that everybody knows just how to make it right.
I wish we gave it one more try.
One more try, one more try,one more try,
'Cause everybody knows, nobody really knows.

I don't care what people say, they brought it all in anyway.
Baby don't fill up your head with he-said, she-said.
It seems like you just don't know. (don't know)
The radio's on, you're tuning me out.
I'm trying to speak, you're turning me down.
And I know one day you'll see nobody has it easy.
I still can't believe you've found somebody new.
But I wish you the best, I guess.

Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows.
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt.
We've heard it all before, that everybody knows just how to make it right.
I wish we gave it one more try.
One more try, one more try,one more try,
'Cause everybody knows, nobody really knows.

Oh I wish you would understand.
Just an ordinaryman.
I wish that we have known
That everybody knows, that nobody really knows.

And I know one day you'll see nobody has it easy.
I still can't believe you've found somebody new.
But I wish you the best, I guess.

Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows.
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt.
We've heard it all before, that everybody knows just how to make it right.
I wish we gave it one more try.
One more try,one more try,one more try.
'Cause everybody knows that nobody really knows.

Shania Twain
You're Still The One

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

I'm so glad we made it

Look how far we've come my baby

down with it.

down with fever and sore throat.. luckily it came after my PT test and presentation for HB.. hilarious sessions in class.. because of Huai Xin i had to speak like a train when i have 5minutes more to go!! so glad i was born with a train tongue.. thanks to my grandmother who gave me chicken's butt to eat when i was young.. if not, i'd be mute.. serious!

im going to take my rest now.. i took a nap right after i reached home.. so weak... i cannot even stand up.. i was wearing jeans and my Fred Perry's shirt, and i had to use the blanket cause i was shivering! when it was hot just now at 6pm!!! boy, was i sick or what??! now, im abit better. took a nice shower and ate.. here i am blogging.. *smiles*

next week will be the last week of school.. i cant wait! so i can study and not be worried about projects and free-riders... hahah!

gonna miss my coursemates! *smiles*

in moderation

knowing my classmates were only to be online in the wee hours, i took a nap for 3hours after my shower... and when i woke up (thanks sayang!), i had like missed calls and smses from my classmates.. haha! wassup la..


i went back home early today to finish up/make amendments to the report for tomorrow's submission at 1pm.. i think our presentaton will be good because of the role play. i hope it will be good. there has been alot of miscommunication and personal frusts during the project but its okay, after the submission i will fuck them up upside down inside out... unnessaccery stress triggers *shakes head*


knowing that i wont be celebrating Valentine's Day this year (again!), i shall finish up all my projects on that day itself. though i was dissappointed, it didnt bother me that much because we still have each other at least and everyday should be Valentine's Day, correct?! *smiles*


gosh, im so tired la.
oh, Dirty Dancing is on Channel5 now!

have a kitkat

fuh! taking a break from my nutoriously, painful, butt-kicking projects..
been bloghopping for a while... i saw my picture on Nurul Aini's Fashion Festival!!well.. its only the picture of my back, but it counts right?? *winks*

as mentioned, i went to the Fashion Festival at Aranda Country Club.. for those who dont know where that is, go check it out yourself.. whats the use of you using the computer when you dont know even make full use of it huh huh huh?? dumbass.. anyway, there were clothes everywhereeeee!!!! and cheeeaaapppp cheeeaaaapppp!! hahahaa!! seriously.. i took two full length dresses, a polo top for boyfriend, a Charles and Keith handbag and a BIGGG red rose clip for my hair! and it cost a total of $100++??!!! hahaha!! cheap my foot! lol!

ahhhh... shopping therapy.. and what it does to you.. happy + heartache at the same time.. hahahha

i have also been spending time at the school gym.. rare sight, i know.. because i have this Personal Training test this coming Thursday you see.. so with NEW equipments and machine for the NEW gym... i bloody have to go there to learn them because i totally suck at gym stuff laahh!! i totally forgotten what i learn in Bodywatch Gym except singing to Mary J Blige Fine song and watching Spartan on the internet at the counter!! even the gym users was watching as well!! like free seating movie marathon... ahahha

anyway, whats with people and misinterpreting smses?? i mean, doesnt everybody do that? when life gets tough and complicated, or when stress triggers are raging high, or when you're having too much adrenaline going through your body... it happens la... so just forgive the person and move on.. there's no need to cry over spilled milk.

god, next week is the last week of schoooooool!!

i hope it'll be a sunny Sunday *smiles*

hotdog crazeee

got back from an evening with my family...
celebrating the February babies birthdays..
today is officially my 10 year old brother's birthday..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GENDUTT!!
hahah..
chocolate cakes, murtabak, mee goreng, hotdogs and durians!
im so bloated i will pop any minute now..
time to head the gym tomorrow..
haha
burn off the caloriess
gahhh!


been fucking stress over lots of things.. especially now that the exam is exactly 22days from now. and i still have projects dueing and degree applications to fill in! where got time lah deyy...
*pulls hair*


the smile on her face doesnt mean there's no tears she shed. the night was shining, the moon its only light. the wind blows, wishing the troubles was blown with it. and she close her eyes. so they wouldnt see her cry.


oblivious, clueless she has always been. never to see the good she already has. and yet she ponders the miracle only she sees. that break her time and time again. and when she thought she had it all, she didnt realise she lost the one. who has been always been there for her. when it was up or down. and now the story goes. she got tired of all her games. only to come to her when she's lost and abused. but leave to have fun with her earnings.


decision she's made. to not care no longer. since she got her earnings. so be it. no more say.


i love you, you know i do.
but you disappoint me one too many.
now i had enough.
so im letting you go.
be gone with the wind.
you had what you wanted.
so take it.
you dont need me.