blooded letter

Dear Dreamcatcher,

i wish you were real. so i can talk to you. about i, me and myself. i want to tell you that i wish my knight in shining armour would come and rescue me from this cruel world, full of harted and revenge. sorrows and tears. nothing but selfishness and selflessness. take me to a faraway land, where all are happy and free. joy in every laughter, even tears. i wish everything i said was real.

i wish you were real. so i can talk to you. i used to have someone, but they are long gone. i hate them now. pretence and bucket full of pity. not the slightest tingle of guilt. full of themselves yet portraying it isnt. its either i keep hearing the same old stories or no stories at all.

ive always been here. always. and yet im still the one that is straying away. pui. fucking look at yourself in the mirror and tell me when have i not been there in your moment of sorrows. ive put myself out there and let you know my deepest darkest secret which i could have chosen not to tell you and you are out there having the time of your life with your sister on the day i lose a precious being. ive put myself out there in grief and helplessness yet none come to my rescue. and when i decide to not lean against the pillar i built so strong, it barks at me saying im selfish and ungrateful. pui.

clearly you dont need me. clearly what we have is nothing compared to what you have with your sister and your friends. clearly after all these years, its just a normal word called 'friends'. or is it?

no matter how long and deep my river of tears, it doesnt heal the pain you've caused. im utterly disappointed. and you are the only one i have left. i am ashame of this relationship you called Bitchalization.

its time to catch someone else's dream now. and be the protector to someone who deserve it.

Sincerely,
Natalie