Faithfully
Journey

They say that the road
Ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line
It's been you and me
Lovin' a music man
Ain't all what it's supposed to be
Oh girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours
Faithfully

Circus life
Under the big top world
We all need the clowns
To make us smile
Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am
Lost without you

And being apart ain't easy
On this love affair
Two strangers learn
To fall in love again
I get the joy
Of rediscovering you
Oh girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours
Faithfully

my heart still ache.
gotta be stonger.

butterfly

you know the feeling when you are about to take an important exam paper..
or when you are getting ready for your soccer match finals as you put on your boots and your coach squabbles to the defense team..
or when you are on a blind date..
or finally caught a glimpse of your eyecandy in school at the end of the day..
you know..
that kind of feeling..
like...
butterflies in your stomach..
ive been having it since Sunday.
but its not the same kind of feeling..
now i know theres two kinds to that feeling.
good and bad.
its not the fluffy wings that hit you in the stomach and gives you the tingling feeling.
no.
these wings have thorns and poison.
that sting you as they hit you.
in the stomach.
and you ache.
an uncurable pain.
the pain from inside, you cant hardly tell from outside.
that kind of feeling.
literally ache my heart.

i could feel the pain in your voice as you read those lyrics.
i laughed at first.
then it went down to a frown.
then tears.
i could hear you choked a second or two.
it breaks my heart.
then i scrolled down to the words.
i choked a little.
i question if its real or were you just drunk.
i'll take the first one.

she ran to a faraway country, left without a word to any.
now she's back and found, that theres no more him.
and out of the castle she went, searching for thee.
she found his tracks here and there, ran as fast as she could.
and she found him standing on a bridge, which divides two countries.
she screams.
she yells.
she cries.
she begs.
she cries and fell.
but give up she never did.
he heard her cries, her screams, her yelling.
inches towards her, but his head the other way.
they held hands after so long.
only Lord knows how much they've yearn for this.
he utters words of love, but look in her eyes he never did.
her heart aches, but she accepts fate.
she'll do anything to bring him back, even though his head turned the other way.
she loves him too dearly, it aches everytime.
but she has to take it in, as she's the one to blame.
the time to bring him in her embrace, only Lord knows if it will be.

he said.

"if he loves you, he'll say yes.
the fact that he's weighing who now, its bad.
but i dont stop you," he said.

dear friend,
i thank you for being there for me. i thank you. i have no words to say. and thanks seemed not enough. i needed it. i dont blame you.

dear friend,
i cant do it anymore. i realized im not up for it. im sorry i put you through alot of stress and pressure. but rest assured, you're still a friend.

dear friend,
thank you for remembering me today. you made me smile from ear to ear. you made my day.

dear friend,
im coming. im waiting. im hurt. i deserved it. im not pointing fingers. i deserved it. i never changed. im hurt. im hurting. im not strong. im not strong enough. im not strong yet. im sure. im chasing. im waiting. im accepting. im waiting. im waiting. im hurt.

pujuk hati

its so nice to hear from you. its been a while.
what deep shit you put yourself into.
the things you do when you're in love.
or is it?
i hope you're fine. i pray the best for you.

aku redha dengan takdir.
tidak ingin aku lawan.
i have no one to blame.
but me, myself and i.

hingga kini aku kenang.
cita-cita kita yang kian menghilang
replaced with news ones.
buries the old from time to time.

entah mengapa diri ini kaku.
berdepan denganmu.
i just want to love you.
but you're not willing to.

kedengaran seseorang berkata-kata.
sungguh halus tapi amat berjasa.
in time you will learn.
in time he will yearn.

sungguh cantik bidadari kayangan.
sungguh indah mimpi semalam.
holding on to the things i know.
that will get me through im sure.

berpegang pada janji.
berpegang pada Illahi.
if you think you're so pretty.
fuck off, i dont need you really.

Ciara
Never Ever

Listen, if he don't love you by now
He ain't gon' never love you, let's go

Throw yo' hands up in the air if you know he love ya
Tell the DJ play this song right here if you know he love ya
L-l-let me see you 2 step if you know he love ya
It don't matter if you by yourself if you know he love ya

If that boy don't love you by now
He will never ever, never ever love you
He will never ever, never ever love you
If that boy don't love you by now
He will never ever, never ever love you
He will never ever, never ever love you

I know you think that I just be tripping on ya boy you see
This ain't how I normally be but I can't help this jealousy
Ooh, it's taking over me, ooh, I'm falling way too deep
Without you by my side I feel like I can't eat or sleep

But I gotta come down to earth, I don't wanna
But I gotta let you go, but baby I don't wanna
And I, I gotta see that you and me ain't meant to be
That's why I tell myself

If that boy don't love you by now
He will never ever, never ever love you
He will never ever, never ever love you
If that boy don't love you by now
He will never ever, never ever love you
He will never ever, never ever love you

I can't help but fantasize, wondering what it might be like
You and I sound so right but I'ma let it go tonight
Ain't nothing covering my eyes, ain't gonna see it more than twice
I get it, I got it, baby, baby

But I gotta come down to earth, I don't wanna
But I gotta let you go, but baby I don't wanna
And I, I gotta see that you and me ain't meant to be
That's why I tell myself

If that boy don't love you by now
He will never ever, never ever love you
He will never ever, never ever love you
If that boy don't love you by now
He will never ever, never ever love you
He will never ever, never ever love you
Girl, you gotta listen

Alright, alright, alright, okay, I see your point, I must admit
I grind, I grind, I grind all day, this paper's what I'm tryna get
Now normally when I'm paper chasing, I be having tunnel vision
And if it's really like that lady, just turn on ya television

And there go Young, I said there go Young
You tryna get it did, just know I gets it done
She love the way I cheat, she love the way I move
I sh-I show it to her, shows about 100 good

Blacks this, black that, black car, black flags
I really hope that's money that y'all got off in them black bags
808's and heartbreaks, states who puts in interstates
Giving me a bad vibe, guess I'm just a bad guy, ay

Throw yo' hands up in the air if you know he love ya
Tell the DJ play this song right here if you know he love ya
L-l-let me see you 2 step if you know he love ya
It don't matter if you're by yourself if you know he love ya

If you know he love you
Let me see you 2 step if you know he love ya
Don't matter if you're by yourself if you know he love ya

If that boy don't love you by now
He will never ever, never ever love you
He will never ever, never ever love you
If that boy don't love you by now

do you?

i think im so hot that my butt is perspiring!! the chair is wet!
hahaha!

i had an early morning today, despite late night yesterday.
it was fun! =)
my phone has been dead silent with the exception of today.
watched nerdy Clay Aiken being stupid on Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader.
they should just call it, Are You Smarter Than A 10 Year Old.
that would hit it off. haha.
i missed today's Beauty and the Geeks, i want to know what happen with Metro Man!
i think mum is angry with me, i dont know why. but i did all the chores =(
i so fucking need a job. please, i need this one.

AS* i miss.

OMG

damned.
no words can ever describe what i feel inside.
im utterly sorry.
truly.

i must say

oh suria, terangi lah hati ini.
kerna daku sepi sekali.
cinta, datang lah sekali lagi.
aku janji ini terakhir kali.

simpan lah ia jauh di lubuk hati.
jangan sekali ia terbawa ke mimpi.
kerna daku enggan merasa.
pahit di dalam dada.

tangisan ku tidak kedengaran.
jauh sekali dipandang orang.
tiada tangan menyambut seruan.
yang sakitnya ternyiang-nyiang.

tidak ingin ku pandang wajahnya.
sakitnya masih terasa.
sungguh angkuh si dia.
semuanya tentang dia, dia, dia.

bawa lah aku pergi, angin.
aku ingin merasa sepertimu.

Demi Lavato
Don't Forget

06 Dont Forget.wma - Demi Lovato

Did you forget
That I was even alive
Did you forget
Everything we ever had
Did you forget
Did you forget
About me

Did you regret
Ever standing by my side
Did you forget
What we were feeling inside
Now I'm left to forget
About us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it

So now I guess
This is where we have to stand
Did you regret
Ever holding my hand
Never again
Please don't forget
Don't forget

We had it all
We were just about to fall
Even more in love
Than we were before
I won't forget
I won't forget
About us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it

Somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song
You can't forget it
At all

And at last
All the pictures have been burned
And all the past
Is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget
I won't forget us

But somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song
But you won't sing along
You've forgotten
About us

where you'd go?

i should have known.
it wasnt a technical error.
it was taken out on purpose.

what hurts the most

beat up so bad i saw stars with my eyes wide opened.. funny thing, it didnt hurt at all. but tears still fell, i have no reason why. hurt from inside. so much i can puke.

i wish to wake up and everything would be over. even when i tried, i keep falling again. i deserve better than this. i dont have to cry myself to sleep every night thinking it could work, would have work or will work. i dont. i deserve better.

so what are the promises/reasons/purposes again? i dont see them anymore.

Bryan Adams
Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman

To really love a woman,
To understand her,
You've got to know her deep inside ...
Hear every thought,
See every dream,
And give her wings when she wants to fly.
Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms ...
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's really wanted.
When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's the one.
She needs somebody, to tell her that it's gonna last forever.
So tell me have you ever really ... really, really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman,
Let her hold you,
Till you know how she needs to be touched.
You've got to breathe her, really taste her,
Till you can feel her in your blood.
And when you see your unborn children in her eyes ...
You know you really love a woman.

When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's really wanted.
When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's the one.
She needs somebody, to tell her that it's gonna last forever.
So tell me have you ever really ... really, really ever loved a woman?

You've got to give her some faith,
Hold her tight, a little tenderness.
You've got to treat her right.
She will be there for you taking good care of you ...
You really gotta love your woman.

And when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms,
You know you really love a woman.

When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's really wanted.
When you love a woman,
You tell her that she's the one.
She needs somebody, to tell her that it's gonna last forever.
So tell me have you ever really ... really, really ever loved a woman?
So tell me have you ever really ... really, really ever loved a woman?

So tell me have you ever really ... really, really ever loved a woman

dont deserve

really pity my little sister, have to handle the new world soon but is already handling some shits now..
seriously dear, you will meet all sorts of people.. lesbians, gays, backstabbers, nerds, weirdos, HOTTIESSS, selfish, trendstarter, COPYCATS, etc, etc..
you know what i mean.
just stand your ground dear. you know which fights are worth fighting for.
my all-grown up sister.

what you're gonna offer now?

The Ting Ting
Be The One

You say it's not what you do,
It's what you're thinking of
Well I think it's just an excuse,
It's what you put across

'Cos I don't wanna be the one,
Only overjoyed
Yeah, I don't wanna be the one,
Making all the noise
Yeah, I don't wanna be the one

So make sure you're
thinking it through,
You've let me down again
Offer me something I know
you really meant

'Cos I don't wanna be the one,
Only overjoyed
Yeah, I don't wanna be the one,
Making all the noise
Yeah, I don't wanna be the one, hey

What you gonna offer now?

I don't wanna be the one,
Only overjoyed
Yeah, I don't wanna be the one,
Making all the noise
Yeah, I don't wanna be the one, hey

What you gonna offer now?

What you gonna offer now?

This was not my idea,
Don't you keep me waiting

What you gonna offer now?

so far

hmm.. lets see what happened so far..

i changed my blog address... feel like it. right Dee?
im still jobless... no comments.
i just found out that someone's ex-girlfriend was jealous of me... this is hilarious.
im in love with a girl... damn, she has a nice ass.
im going to Zouk this Friday for Puma event... thanks Denise!
i still havent get a reply from NTU... why?! dont tell me my application not valid!
Kiki Perry is annoying me... stop sending me urls on msn!

i come to realize that i cannot work with small kids. they annoy the crap out of me.
went to my sister's workplace, a kindergarden (if not i wouldnt be blogging about kids.. duh), brought Maya for show and tell. once i open the bag, all and i mean ALL of their cute tiny little hands came directly for Maya. my god, cant you wait?!! one of them even cried cause she cannot touch Maya. its a normal cat! you can see them on the streets of anywhere in Singapore!!
*roll eyes*
i mean i can handle kids, i love kids. but to teach them, everyday... god how am i suppose to have kids of my own?? i'll die. shit. how to go NTU. urgh.

just something to think about, was watching Ellen while writing this:
"if you're chasing your dreams, you're not going fast enough," he said.

so just lay in bed.

beaten.

only God knows how i felt when i saw.
only God knows my feelings inside.
only God knows why i did the things i did.
only God knows how betrayed i feel inside.

i fear the lost and i can see it coming.

"what you feel only matters to you.
its what you do to the people you love."

i did my part. i havent seen yours. i looked up for you. i asked for you. i called you.
but you never did.
i cried so many nights. finding MY fault. finding the solution.
i am utterly disappointed by your actions.
never once you include me.
ya sure she smsed me, but YOU never did.
so what you going through a hard time.
so am i.
but as far as i remember, we never gave that as an excuse to not look each other up.
as far as i know YOU, we go all ways to get to each other.
2 months. blooody 2 months.
it wasnt a fight cause you never said anything?
i think thats the whole point.
remember when Ella came back last year and you were angry at me cause i didnt tell you or call you when i went to meet her about that incident with her brother?
yup thats it. the feeling of being left out.
and nobody's stepping forward to tell you the whole story.

if im being a drama mama, please tell me so.

beautiful moon

the moon was big and bright. reminded me of the time i laid by the beach. accompanied by friends who didnt care less of the tears that fell from my eyes. all they wanted was to wipe them away. they sang a thousand love songs. they spoke different experiences. all to put a smile on my face once more. being put on the spot again was annoying. i wanted to run. to scream. "get the fuck away from me", "shut the fuck up". wasnt it enough? didnt it hurt enough? its always you who trigger things. you made things worse. you. you and your feelings. you and your sacrifices. and when you thought you're right, you're caught in dismay again. its never enough, isnt it? and smeared with blood, my name. i have no clue of the intentions. i dont care either.

AS*

each time i think im a step closer, i fall back even deeper. i put myself in a pithole, which i unnecessarily create. i dont need to. i dont need you. at least i dont think so. and thats where i went wrong. unsure if i'll be alright. needing that assurance.
AS*, i miss. and its not even a day.

i want to run away.
i want to prove...
... that i dont need you.
... that i am not dependent on you.
... that i can pick myself up when i fall without you.
... that i can keep you in my heart without hurting another.

i hadnt heard from you.
dont you feel the same way as i do?
dont you miss me?
dont you want to see me?
dont i matter, dear?
if i do, why hadnt i hear from you?
at least a text, it'll take my breath away.
so that i know you're still there.
still waiting for me.

will you?

like old times

i hope the photo is still framed and standing in view.
for all to see.
for the universe to know.
the special moment we shared.
only we know.
only we know.

Broery Marantika
Pamit

ijinkan aku pergi
apa lagi yang engkau tangisi
semogalah penggantiku
dapat lebih mengerti hatimu
memang berat kurasa
meninggalkan kasih yang kucinta
namun bagaimana lagi
semuanya harus kujalani

selamat tinggal kudoakan kau selalu bahagia
hanya pesanku
jangan lupa kirimkan kabarmu
bila suatu hari dia membuat kecewa di hati
batin ini takkan rela
mendengarmu hidup menderita

sayang, walau kebersamaan kita hanya sesaat
namun kau tetap bagian dari jiwaku
kuiringi kepergianmu dengan ikhlas hati
semoga kelak kita dapat bersatu lagi

selamat tinggal kudoakan kau selalu bahagia
hanya pesanku
jangan lupa kirimkan kabarmu
bila suatu hari dia membuat kecewa di hati
batin ini takkan rela
mendengarmu hidup menderita

I wished for you

im not up on the clouds today, although good news came my way.
i lay in bed and wished for you.
side by side, longed for you.
that is all i need.

Happy Birthday Fazilah and Salihin.