you know how a song can tell a story?
can relate to the chapters in your life.
sometimes the lyrics are so exact, you tend to listen to the song over and over.
like a voice within, singing you the melodies of your heart and desperate soul.
yearning to break free, to tell the world or maybe just the person that may concerns what is going on inside your head.
sometimes its not such a good thing.

i had a serious conversation with Jackson on the MRT train, about our future and how to go about it. there are so many options, lucky for him he still have 2 years to think about. i have like less than 2 months. how ironic. at this point, i still dont know what to do. and its not the greatest feeling in the world.

so far no one found out about my new url, i didnt tell alot of people. at least i think. i dont know why i change it.
in need of change.

after whatever, i become desperate for change. i change everything that i could. the color of my hair, my clothings, the stuff on my dressing table, my bag. like the time i rebonded my hair to let go. that was sudden. like crap, i actually spend 150bucks to get my hair straight. and i did my hair again 1 year later. how awesome.

i want to cut my hair like her.
no, not Nicole.

same length, same color.

what ya think?

in bed with them boys?

hell yeah. sign me up.

kay im not sucha bimbo to be taking pictures of myself and posting them all over my blog.. nyehah.. but when was the last time i did that?? sheeshhh..

if any of you can guess where the pictures are taken do let me know.. yang dah tau tu diam diam je ehh.. hahahahaa!!

well school starts tomorrow, darn it.. but i cant wait for sleepover at Nana's place.. although im not looking forward for karaoke session in the wee hours.. i have a voice of a frog! hahahaa... its the first time everyone is a yes.. it'll be fun. u hope. heh.

see you in school!

our trip to the Marina Barrage.

for those who like sceneric places and just want to spend a quiet time with your loved ones, (yes, i love her) its a perfect place to go. chey, like promote like that.. hahah

its not hard to get there, just get down at Marina Bay MRT and take a shuttle bus from there. its very easy to know where the queue starts.

as im writing this down, my head spins so fast.. the words all jumbled up together. i've been put to home rest for the week and i've grown bored, and now sick. how can anyone be sick when stuck at home for 6days straight?? so i shall stop here to let a teacher in the house do her lesson plan for the coming week. goodnight everyone!

i did myself a favour and decided to go out today. even though it was only for 45minutes, i got a bit dressed up which i didnt planned to. (time for a wardrobe makeover. i still havent spend the 100dollars gift card from GAP. hah..) i was 'a little bit' late for my boyfriend's break time so i only got 35minutes with him before he went in for busy Wednesday night. i bought him his much needed pink hair wax from Gatsby and ended up sitting at the bar for almost 30minutes with a bottle of booze.

okay kidding. i had two different mocktails. one was my favourite because its in a champagne glass. i like champagne glasses, they are very classy. hahha.. its called Virgin Mimosa. hahaha!! inside joke. lol. the other one was specially made by the bar captain, Mic. dont know if i got his name correct though. i think he made it like randomly because there wasnt a name for it so he called it, I Love My Girlfriend. hahahha!! siao.

i was suppose to catch a malay show at 9pm today, but i totally forgot about it because of the soccer match! gahh!! stupid guys in shorts. hahahah!!

im extra happy today and im glad i guess. things was a bit rough, okay.. very rough between boyfriend and i but somehow we always managed to patch things up as quickly as possible. and i always dont know how we do it. even when i traced them back, im left with more confusion. its amazing. the beauty of our love. i hope it burns forever, even when you are in the wheelchair at 25. ahhahahahhaha!!! hee. love you lah!

i cannot stop thinking about you.
this is for you;

I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Give my all for your love
Tonight

as far as i know, i hate technology. it undermines the power of love and trust a person has for another. i still like the old fashion way of writing a letter and posting it, and waiting for the mailman to drop your letter into the mailbox. the feeling of excitement that rushes through your body. a good kind of excitement, not the kind you get from the service provider for exceeding your limit of contract. that excitement i always get, kinda immune to it now. but i cant switch off my phone like i could last time. i have a boyfriend, which the way of communication is the handphone, even though he could call my home.

i dont want to feeli like this anymore. i dont want to feel helpless and useless. i dont want pity and sympathy. i dont want all that.

all i have is a picture.
which i kept, sealed so tight.
the key thrown and forever gone.
the most beautiful picture ever painted.

today my soul stood still.
the pain no longer worries me.
everything will be okay.
time will cure my being.

to you:
im glad i went through it and not you. because i get to hold it for life. call me selfish for all i care. its in me and thats that. let bygones be bygones. we have made the best out of it. now is the time for us to recover. hold my hand, dont ever let go.

to you:
a miracle in life i must say. You've made me stronger as a person and a slave. You show me the meaning of love of a much powerful being. i thank You and i apologize to You. i hope and pray You will always be at ease.

a new day has come

some outdated pictures since i got the time to upload.. i realized i havent been taking alot of pictures. especially at important events.. guess i loss that part of me.

i vow to not be lazy this term break. i want to catch up on lectures and tutorials that i've missed (more like skipped.. haha) so as not to suffer from GPA recession like Jackson... not that im happy with my GPA, just not good enough. veyr disappointed with just a B for IPP.. maybe because i was doing daily data work so most of my work seem 'not surprising' and expected. however, i shall not press on the past and will work for my last exam harder. its a challenge. wow i sound as if im writing a report. hah.

i saw Anisa today, she's in NYP?! wth! hahahah.. i swear i didnt recognise her with her FB outfit.

til this moment, i feel very grateful to You.

it finally comes to an end. tomorrow will be the last day of school before we start our term break!! wheee!!
a new beginning for an ending.
projects are piling again.. ugh. few more months and im done-d lahh! hang in there azi.

Joan came to school today, you know... the infamous female body-builder in SW.
she gave us a lecture on Fitness Industry and showed us a few snippets of her new boutique gym.
awesome shit la to have your own gym.
although her talk was boring but we had our fun ozzing our eyeballs and make silly comments of her physically defined body and laughter. hahaa.. scary. lol
at the end of the lecture, we asked her to pose for us and she did!
bloody hell her triceps fucking big cann!! can fly know!
i expected her to be bigger though, maybe Jackson was right... she wasnt at her peak period.
oh! we also saw a picture of her 'body-building' days...
it look so fake lahh!! like her face being cut-out and past on someone else's body. haha!!
she's really nice laaa..

im thinking of working at my boyfriend's workplace during the term break...
still havent decide yet with everything else in mind..
still, thanks Ibu for hooking me up =)

shall post my holiday pictures soon.
sabar menanti..

prayer mat

He, i always believe in. who gives me faith and conscience that i can rely on. He, who taught me things my parents cant, wouldnt and shant. He, whom i love with all my heart even though sometimes i forgot. He, who i am ashame of all my sins and wrongdoings. He, who i bows to. He, who i believe loves me too.

i woke up today, a heavy heart and mind. i got out of bed and cleanse myself. i said a silent prayer as i carefully took my wuduk. i feel a little enlightment in my heart, i always do. i dress myself to face before Him. all white, neat and tidy. my commitment to Him now, no other in my head. not even my beloved, this love cannot be divided. on the last bow, it seemed as time stood still. i cry before the Mightyness, tears streaming down my cheeks. as my head lifts from the prayer mat, i felt a little magic. a sensation in my heart. i hope silently, that my prayers would come true. after i greet goodbye to the prayer, i look up to the sky. with blurry vision, i prayed hard and cry.

dear god, please forgive me. for forgetting you and neglecting you, only to turn to you in times of need. i am ashame of my being. i do not deserve to be upon you. ive been here before, you know i will pull through.

dear god, i love you. i need your guidance, oh One and Only. i tried all means i could. im at lost, i need you. show me the right path to get through this. ive took this as a challenge, because you love me and want to prove.

dear god, i ask for your forgiveness. for mine and all that is involved. you have given something i cant handle, its too much for me.

dear god, please forgive me. i am shameful as i am. im a helpless slave in life and you are the powerful one. please god help me and guide me through. i need you, i do. forgive me. forgive me.

in the success of life, defeats come in many ways.
some you dont see it, some are extreme cases.
needless to say, all this is God's will.
to show He adores you by giving challenges to prove to Him.
many run, run from the truth.
they hide down under, fear builds up.
others faces gracefully, success awaits them.

this pain is unbearable.

dear dreamcatcher,

i havent been writing to you for quite some time. i have been busy. i apologize for that. you know, writing to you always gives me a sense of empowerment. even as im writing this down, i know what to do next. writing to you just gives me the setback that i will do it. like my conscience.

i am indeed suffering from depression. i have been sleeping alot but my body still cries out for rest. i have gone really quiet. i dont attend school as regularly as i do before. i can sit in front of the computer and do as minimal work as i need to for hours. i have been eating alot, most of them are junk food. i have been having cravings, most of them are western food. i have concluded, yes i am suffering something.

my insides just want to burst out and no one seem to understand. or i dont allow them to.

something deep inside i cant deny.
a feeling so strong but yet defined.
i searched my soul in and out.
i will come to the answer, i will figure this out.

time.
something we have no control of.
something we missed out on once gone.
it changes us as it goes by.
teaches us lessons of life.
a reminder and a consequence.
a friend and a foe.
time.
please invent a time-machine would someone, please?
or just make me a wizard.
a hot wizard. ha.

truly heart-aching,
Andrea.

pictures from babyboy's 21st birthday gift, my disastrous cake(haha!!) and water skiing on Monday morning with Balaclava crew.

one word.

AWESOME!

even though i didnt try the water ski which now i regret but its okay.. i will ask my classmates about the awesome spot at EastCoastPark... its fucking fun watching people fall off their boards only 1sec on it?!! haha! superb. and the food. yumyum. i get western food like almost every other day. hee!

i still have 3 projects to go. i have yet to study for my test this coming Thursday. yacks!

friendster has been such an ass to me lately.
i was unable to upload any pictures.
is it just me? guess so.
everybody else is has no problem uploading theirs.
sheesshh.. stupid computer.
need an upgrade like seriously.

so anyways, i did my part for Internaltional Business. send them to James already
so James if you're reading this and you are going, "damnit im so dead cause i havent do my work", serve you right!! hahhaa! if not, well.. good for you mann. haa
my Saturday will be on the computer the whole day, finishing up all and i mean all my projects because NEXT WEEK IS THE FUCKING DATE LINE!!!
for me i mean, cause i wont be in Singapore for Hari Raya Haji. family decided to not celebrate it here and see the animals being slaughtered live, whatever the case maybe.
im so going to miss my boyfriend!! ugh.

to you:
1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4
Give me more lovin’ than I’ve ever had
Make it all better when I’m feelin’ sad
Tell me that I’m special even when I know I’m not

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely gettin’ mad, I’m so glad I found you
I love bein’ around you
You make it easy, it’s as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

There’s only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words and that’s what I’ll do, I love you

Give me more lovin’ from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends

Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Best that I’ve had, I’m so glad that I found you
I love bein’ around you
You make it easy, it’s as easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

There’s only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words and that’s what I’ll do, I love you
I love you

You make it easy, it’s easy as 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

There’s only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words and that’s what I’ll do, I love you
I love you

1, 2, 3, 4
I love you
I love you

to you:
Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion--
Is nothing new
Flashback--warm nights--
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after--

Sometimes you picture me--
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said--
Then you say--go slow--
I fall behind--
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look--and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you--
I'll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows--you're wondering
If I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time--

If you're lost...
You said go slow--
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds--

If you're lost......
Time after time
Time after time ,Time after time,Time after time

well, ive got to get back to my assignments.
adios sleepyheads and party people.

my weekend was packed. because it was babyboy's 21st birthday!! dah besar lahh.. hee..
being the big mouth who cannot keep secret... it was especially hard for me to keep mum on whatever im doing for his birthday.. i have to literally chant out loud "do not say anything azi. just shut up azi." hahah!

it wasnt all grand, like how the Americans have thiers. i really wish i could but i dont have the means to. my family was supportive enough to help me out a little bit. with Lia's help, i baked or more like made my first ever ice-cream cake. i call it ChocoMeltz, because its super chocolaty and melts damn fast!!! hahahaha!!! it was fucking messy la Lia!! you should have seen it. lucky for you, i took a picture of the semi-melted cake before birthday boy cut the cake with much effort. ahhaha!!

i wish i could do more for you baby, but i hope you had fun on your 21st birthday.
im sorry it was crappy and imprompto.
if only my pay would have came in earlier.
but i am glad it came it that day.
im glad you like your new art *grins*

i have no pictures to put up just yet, maybe when im not lazy.
i realized i havent been posting up pictures on my previous entries.

HumanResource done.
CountryClub Management here we go!

as i make my proper exit out of the door, i looked back into the mirror hung at the doorway. my face was pale and sad. i put on my running shoes, sunk my teeth in the face towel i took from the kitchen drawer and said my goodbye to mum. i did my stretching at the staircase landing while sms-ing my dear one that im off for a run. "i need a run," i told him. and off i go.

my heart started to pump in adrenaline i long forgotten. my blood rushes through my body, the feeling of exploding any minute i could tell. but my feet still keep chasing each other. my head keep telling itself to continue, dont ever stop. i start to feel an ache on one side of my ribs. im breathing harder and shorter. a hot tingling sensation at the back of my neck, shifts itself towards my face and to the rest of my body. the cool breeze didnt do any good for me.

as my stop drew near, my feet completely stop. "this will do. let's end here," my head chanted. so i walked. and walked. and make another round. my calf starts to burn, my chest instantly cries for help. but i continued walking. bits of perspiration trickled down my neck and face, i let the wind engulf me. i so longed for this pain, agony and excitement.

in respect, i give.
in love, i protect.

i've been sucha busy rascal lately.. with projects and assignments to be done individually.. running around with friends and family. i have so no time for myself. but today i got the chance to sit down and read a book, a hobby none knew of. the December edition of the Seventeen magazine is out ya'll!! Koon's wedding reception was okay, first experience of a Chinese wedding reception. very different indeed.

oh James, where the hell you get my link lahh?? Denise doesnt have it idiot! =)

prasan nak mampos la kau.

my Japanese-influenced sister just send her regards to us through the email. she seem estatic and excited all at the same time. haha.. staying with one of the Japanese families there, free shopping and eating spree.. so fun. damn lucky brat. hahaa...

Nur's mum had a baby girl! im so excited to see the newborn healthy baby..

its amazing and ridiculous how much time people have in their hands and use it to do stupid things like flood other blogger's tagboard with hate tags.. takde keje lain pe? your life so boring uh?? knn. nothing better to do la this people. until you want to invade people's family blog. seriously pscyho stalker. it just shows what kind of person you are. a moron.

spit at all the things that you claim its true.
because i know where you got that from.
the internet is so huge and wide.
like your big fat ass.
you can get whatever you want from the internet.
think im that dumb to believe you've changed?
i spit at that too.

i shall get on to my research for my projects.
procastinating flag coming up. ugh.

starbucks with girlfriend was fun. i brought out my laptop for her t update her blog (so sweet right?? i know... hee). we talked about almost everything.. i miss that. yes, i do.

its funny how people change so dramatically through the years. somethings i wonder if its the situation we are in or just time that change us completely.. its really hard to explain. plus im not very good with words.

"life is like painting a picture. its difficult.
you need the right set of paint, brushes, canvas, size...
but most importantly, you need to know what picture you're painting.
the message you're conveying. the purpose.
if you do not have the inspiration to draw that picture, the painting will come out lifeless and it wont be attractive or people wont buy it because there is no significance and viewed as worthless.
nothing in a sense. its difficult..."

projects are coming up like whipped cream on a ice blended mocha. i need my energy, my motivation and strength to get this semester over and done with flying colours. i want a 3. i want a 3. im tired, restless and want to have fun now. i need to get back to my books. i need to.

thank you Siew Boon for the lovely present. its so nice to be remembered. thank you.

years have passed and its you he still remembers.
i really cannot compete with you.
i know where i stand.
i am not capable to do all that.
if i have the means and privilege, i wouldnt even want to do it.
because i have morale and conscious.
i take pride in my dignity.
yet, i still dont know why he still remembers you.
im ashamed and im throwing the white flag for i cant fight any longer.
its painful even not to do so.
therefore i congratulate you on your battle already won before it start.
im ashamed and torn.

take care at Japan you little brat.

attention

she's a primadona in reverse.. nothing but attention excite her.. i dont know why exactly, but she seeks attention from people who wouldnt care less about her. isnt that sad? or is it just childish? or just plain stupid? i dont know that either. it affects alot of people and getting on their last good nerves. i say, screw that person who came up with the phrase, love is blind.

school just started today. i have 6 modules altogether. can i add 6 LAST modules. how awesome is that huh? im going to graduate like in 4months time. pity to those who arent tough, cool or smart enough to stay on the ride to get the certificate. for whatever reason; you're sucha loser. maybe you could consider taking higher nitec, or just plain nitec for what matters. nowadays it helps, really. if not, just continue sucking dicks alright.

im so moody and angry. please ignore the vulgarities and whatnots above. its happening again and i absolutely hate this. this emotional rollercoaster keep making me want to puke and im sucha party-pooper for stopping the ride. everybody hates me now. im sorry guys.

im craving for delicious fried chicken wings with awesome spicy sambal belacan like the one at MarinaSquare FoodCourt. i so want to go BedokCorner and Timber. pleasant, house-warming atmosphere excite me and my dining experience. i love good food. kan sayang? hah

so what shall i do about this huh? this primadona wont stand down. the next time is already here, yet i let it slip away. again. this primadona need and seriously better stand down.

"you wouldnt want to see her cheebai face,"
i beg to defer. it wont be a face anymore when i see it.

psycho killer. kill the psycho.
yeahh..

what?

stand down.
we're taking over.

BACK TO SCHOOL YAWW!

HURRAYY!!
TODAY MARKS THE LAST DAY OF INTERNSHIP!
IM BACK TO SCHOOL YAWWW!!

god i miss school. seriously. i miss 'listening' to lecturers...i miss crapping with SiewBoon and Firdauz. i miss laughing with Jackson,Rachel and Tang En. i miss my classmates lahh!!
till the day i graduate. cant wait!! =)

beloved,
i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. i didnt want to talk or do anything; given the choice i didnt want to go to work. its a fucked up feeling to wake up and see messages of you still out. 3am, 4am i can still take it if im told beforehand. but fucking 7am and not knowing? how you feel if you were in my shoes?? you know you know you'll be meeting me later, fine, you didnt know it'll end late. fine. but you said, you ensured, you'll meet me. but what happen? fine, i forgive you. i know and i expected it. i didnt take it against you. but the very next day you want to go buy a piece of plastic?? didnt you think of making up to me?? you start early too right? can meet me right? if i am that important you would, wont you? but instead you chose that piece of plastic. you could ask someone to buy it for you kan if you 'didnt care', given the choice?? (this is what i meant, do you understand now?)
i'll talk to you about the other part soon.

i was bloghopping and i was very very amused by a particular blogger. her expressions was awesome. never have i encounter such an article. its superb. to think she's a spoilt brat. hah. i hope she's not reading this. but i admire her, really. she's a walking idol. i wish im bold enough to highlight my hair of that shade. i wish im courageous enough to go for my dream careeer. i wish my vocabulary was as superb as hers. hah.
yeah, kalau ye pon edit la makcik oii.. love that. haha

To succeed is easier than to fail

im super lazy to upload pictures of the photoshoot day to my computer.. well, most of them are with Siti.. haha.. so sabar menanti yee.. anyway, you can see us in 17 magazine December's edition.. please dont forget to vote for us! sempat promote. nahh, we actually dont care if we win or not because we had fun and already won a bundle of prizes! no regrets babe! ahaa.. for those who dont care, please dont bother wasting your money to buy the magazine just to see us(although we appreciate that, thank you very much). finally! all the hassle and the brainstorming and super pressurizing moments are over! im back to becoming me, wear whatever i want without having people analyzing my outfit, whether its "nice outfit" or "omg she's so cool" because its so annoying. really. ugh.

the photoshoot went well for me actually. i didnt get to see Siti when she was doing hers cause i was getting my hair done in the other room. damn. i want to see lahh.. unfair. she snapped alot of photos when i was doing my shoot, so i played along to keep myself occupied while they analyze my pictures. its funny lahhh.. i like to make faces when taking pictures.. my friends especially Fazilah always scold me for not smiling. ahhah.. i had a Canon camera in my hands, so pose lahh.. hahaaa... gosh. its so tiring to smile 'happily'.. like what the hell is that??! and make you eyes wider? how the fuck?? hahah!! overall... the outfit turn out great.. i hope it looks as good as it was in the magazine. GAP sucks la really!! VOTE VOTE VOTE! hahhaa!!

hello dreamcatcher,
i sooo glad you admit it that i was right about the whole getting back thingy. it would have been so worth it. you should have just walk up and slammed dunk! you would have won easily. haiz.. thank god you're a nice person. thank god you were in a conscience mood at that moment. thank god you have loved ones that are on your side. you are so blessed.
i adore your loved ones. i wouldnt think of doing as such. i mean, i wouldnt want to involve the old adults of the immatured being because it was a feud between two people, well... one actually.. psycho killer. i noted the point, and i agreed. awesome. you are really blessed child.
i say, let it be. if it comes up again, you know you're already prepared. well done. well done.

awesome kids

fuhh!! boy am i tired!
today was the first time ever i went shopping with my classmates.. haha.
MarinaSquare was the destination for Shaf's Nike sandals which she's been eyeing on for more than 6months. funny its still on the shelf. then we had dinner, although both me and Khai were full but this annoying brat keep insisting that her stomach is growling.. grr.. i was tired lahh.. made a super long pitstop at Ripcurl because Shaf kept complaining about her heavy baggage. ahha.. annoying brat. lol!

i bumped into my favourite teacher yesterday evening at the MRT station. he was on the phone so he gave me a hug first while talking to the person on the line. that's like the first time ever he did that to me. was abit shocked.. lol. its weird how easily i could just talk to him as if we met a few days back.. i was glad to meet a familiar face. i miss school lah, seriously!

countdown: 5 working days left!!

"you are the type of person that would fight for the things you believe in..."
i wonder.

dear dreamcatcher,
i am disappointed that you chose not to do anything when the tables are turn back at you and this time you did not start the fire. i know why you made that decision, but i think you are wrong. this was a great opportunity for you to be angry, mean and devilish. because no one can lend a helping hand. all alone, and it would have been awesome to see the fear portray. you know what i mean?? i know you do. deep inside you know you want to. you just dont want to handle the aftermath because its tiring and hurtful to your beloved. many people would be involved and it sucks to see them trying to cheer you up but they can't. they simply can't. and that sucks, doesn't it honey?? yes i know. cheers to you for being a mature adult love. what goes around, comes around. i think the debt has already been paid.
PS:may Heaven take care of you, child. and may Heaven forgive the one that gave you up intentionally or not.

i miss yours.

i was bored after completing my task so i did this while waiting for lunch time.
its real fun except that i wish the software allows me to use my own photo as the background.. going to find some other programme that can do that other that photoshop which im such a dumb dumb using it.



i've been bloghopping alot, since i have nothing to do. i love reading good posts with beautiful vocabulary and interesting phrases they come up with. i'll read them even if it makes my head dizzy because of the little fonts they use. i'll even read my enemy's. i wish i could write like that. it makes the person so much interesting just by reading their posts. i know my boyfriend is a good writer. so bloody unfair.

planning a trip to Bintan. i just dont see it happening. money wise,people wise,passport wise. so unfair.

it'll be 8 more days as of today till end of IPP!! whoohoo!!
cannot wait to get back to school.
i like school. because i know how my grades are doing unlike work.
i think i'll stick with school after graduation.
we'll see.

i miss Diidi.

till the next boring entry.

they are so hot.

reminisce

Diana Ross
Behind Closed Doors

My baby makes me proud
Lord, don't he make me proud
He never makes a scene
By hangin' all over me in a crowd

'Cause people like to talk
Lord, don't they like to talk
But when they turn out the lights
I know he'll be leavin' with me

And when we get behind closed doors
Then I let my hair hang down
He makes me glad that I'm a woman
Oh, no one knows what goes on
behind closed doors

My baby makes me smile
Lord, don't he make me smile
He's never far away
Or too tired to say I want you

And I'm always a lady
Just like a lady should be
But when they turn out the lights
He's still my baby to me

And when we get behind closed doors
Then I let my hair hang down
Oh, he makes me glad I'm a woman
Oh, no one knows what goes on
behind closed doors

oh, behind closed doors
I let my hair hang down
I'm glad that I'm a woman
No one knows what goes on
behind closed doors

Behind closed doors
I let my hair hang down
He makes me glad I'm a woman
No one knows what goes on
behind closed doors
And when we get behind closed doors
Then I let my hair hang down

my lips are sealed

currently at work, had nothing to do in the morning.. at least now i got something to do.. thank god. i hope to have something to do tomorrow as well.. i keep chasing but they just dont bother.. i didnt give up though, just loosen up abit so that they still have some air to breathe and not feel like im breathing down their neck asking for tasks. hah. funny. have you ever met someone who asked for work/assignment?? hah. crazy person.

can i please have the picture at the runway.. like now??? please!!!

the weekend was crazy..

Seventeen SuperStyling for the second time was worth it. we both had alot of fun and we made new friends, Crystal and Junying, the awesome duets that made a stunning appearance when they made their entrance to FashionBar. this year was more organised although the place was too small to hold all of us in. but we manage to sit with the lovely twins, HAHA and LALA including their friends, so nice to see them again after one year. boy did we win alot of stuff, and half of it we dont remember what we won. but the most awesome award was the runway contract worth $1600 by runwayconcepts! i so want the pictures that Nixem took when he asked me to the the catwalk on the runway! i was so damn nervous i was sure it showed all over my face!! overall, it was great. Siti, im waiting for the pictures. same goes to Nixem!

Party at FashionBar

im gonna get through this, this i believe.
next year will change my life, i hope i have faith.
i have to be strong, God please help.
i shant regret this, i will not fail.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!

tatkala aku terdiam, mengenang dirimu.
yang jauh di mata tetapi sering di minda.
aku menangis malam ini, Ramadhan jangan kau pergi.
aku rindu.
rindu merasa dekat dengan Illahi.
namun aku tahu diriku ini sangat kecil,
tidak setanding dengan yang pergi.
kerna aku masih di dunia ini.
terus berusaha mencari ibadah dan pahala untuk masa nanti.
Ramadhan, kau sungguh mulia.
datang lagi aku ingin kau tiba.
harap kita berjumpa lagi.
harap aku tidak terlambat nanti.

Selamat Hari Raya in advance to all my muslim friends, foes and bitches.
Maaf di pinta kepada semua.
this sound so insincere but really it is. hah.

HEYY!!
its been like donkey years since i last updated.. been busy with 'work'.. i havent log into blogger although im always on the computer at work because the system is so bloody slow taht it takes atleast 20minutes to upload a webpage!! whatheheck!!

soooooooooo many things happened...
firstly babyboy is on reservist this week till next so i wouldnt be seeing him at work when i pass by his workplace =(
break fast like all over the place.. Ella's place, Lia's aunt's place, Bugis, Marina Square.. all not on time because i finish work at 6pm.. argh!

i caught BangkokDangerous on Sunday and caught TonyOrlando's concert at the IndooorStadium on Tuesday. i won a pair of tickets courtesy of 8Days! cool or whatt?!? i won the lucky number tenth pair of tickets to be won!! ahaha.. talk about luck!!

im still in love with Mr.Joseph Hall =)

boring day

today marks the 10th day of Ramadhan.. and i am already hearing raya songs on the radio. like what the heck?? dah sepuluh hari dah boleh hurray hurray ah gitu?? tsk..

i was so bored that i went bloghopping.. some random blogs which i found hilarious like Nani O's.. she's funny. her blog is exactly who she is in person.. like wow.. i couldnt do that even if i try to.. i watched music videos after music videos.. worked on my report.. meddle with my phone.. and i was still bored!! i cannot wait to spend my time with my boyfriend, friends, classmates and even my family!!! i got this from Nani's blog.. i hope she dont mind.. i think it means something=)

As they would say
Life's full of crap and downs
But do you believe me if i say
There are less smiles than frowns?

You say im unfair when you cry
Grateful was never when i make you smile
So instead you fall back on lies
When things doesnt always turn out right.

You approached me
With hopes and future plans
In the end i know you played me
Yet i still stayed with the same stupid man.

so Nani..... aha.

i was watching America's Got Talent and i was so amazed and mesmerized by one of the many Elvis Presley's impersonator, Joseph Hall. he was so bloody handsome... just like Mr Elvis Presley himself... singing Hound Dog.. boy, he did his thanggg!!! all the girls were screaming and cheering as if he was already some superstar.. even Sharon Osbourne had her jaw wide opened.
"you dont have to sing, you dont have to do anything... you stand there." (hahah)
when she asked his age and he said 23, "i have shoes that are older than you.. but i'd like to try you on.. but anyways....." (!!) horny!! hahaahahah!! but he was good, really. haha.



as easy as it comes, it goes kan baby...
sighs..


so, he's going back camp for the next two week.. boo. so fast.. im so going to miss him. its back to the i-dont-know-what-time-i'll-be-out-from-camp-tonight routine.. boo. i hate that, so hate that. and he knows it. hahaha.. evil impatient bitch. not to mention i'll be having my cycle soon.. die die baby die die.. hahaha.. kay crap..

back to the jungles eh love??

OMG!!! tomorrow is Sunday already???!!
i was just getting into the weekend!!!!
argghhhhh!!!!!
=(

i have been rushing home form work almost everyday to be in time for break fast. since i finish work at 6pm, i will only reach home at 730pm. not to mention the big everyday drama in the mrt train.. dont get me started.. ughh.. i havent heard the azan for 5days and i feel so empty. today was the first time i get to hear the azan to break fast and i was excited!! i keep giggling til my sister got irritated!! haahha!! so funnn!! teehee.

bought my baby his long awaited pair of boots.. im going to get myself a new phone.. i want to do something to my hair.. i want to get us raya clothes.. i want to go to Bali!!! arggghh!!!!

check out my work at Yishun Town=)

i think Singaporeans are so fucking selfish. heck, everyone's selfish. im so glad i asked the lady to get out from her seat (politely of course) to let a pregnant lady sit down in the mrt just now on the way home from work... Alhamdullilah. although the pregnant lady didnt show any sign of gratefullness, i was still glad i did it. i didnt notice everyone was staring at me till i looked around. hah. to hell with you people!! so selfish!!! the lady was standing helplessly (i think she was acting though.. haha!) in front of the Priority Seat and the person sitting in it can still look up and continue sleeping!!?!?! GOD!!!

to you:
yet again i poise questions to you.
you have yet to answer me on my previous ones.
what do you seek?
the passing wind that passes through your strands of hair that cools your skin but never beneath it? or the heatwaves of the sun that never fails to warm every corner of your being.
the wind comes and goes, but if you sit it out and wait... the sun will definitely peep through the sky; with rays of light poking through the clouds.
the sun? or the wind?
never live just for a moment of pleasure.
as surely as it comes, it goes.
leaving an unmistakable memory embeded in you.
yet scaring you as it passes.
think it through and make you stand.
do not falter.
you live only once.
you live your life the way you want to.
no one has the right to dictate how you live it.
fear 2 things in this world.
Allah and yourself.
you are your worst enemy.
nobody can hurt you if you dont allow them to.
be selfish.

i miss school!!

today marks the first day of Ramadhan, a month of holy and all goodness shall be repaid in its own way, insyAllah. i have always like this month of the year in the Islam calender. last year, i felt it alot but this year i dont feel the same way. last year, i wasnt hyped about Raya. that feeling is still stagnant, never change. i wasnt hype about doing terawih. i didnt do it today. i hope i get the strength and eagerness to face Him. ive done so much.

i finish my book on The Tapertries (i wonder if i spell it correctly). i borrowed it jus last week and i finished it. now i got nothing to do during my journey to and from work in the train. today was horrible. i had to stand all the way to Kallang and all the way back to Woodlands!! Singaporeans are really something. really. a pregnant lady or an old elderly can be standing in fornt of them and they can jus pretend to sleep!! i hope God repays your deeds when your wife turns pregnant in the future!

to you i say,
stop tormenting her.
to you i say,
stop giving her hopes and dreams.
to you i say,
be gone and never come back.
to you i say;
fuck off! your time has end.

give me your hand.
i want to tell you that i love you.
even if you're not with me and found happiness somewhere,
you will always be in my heart.
i couldnt bear to see or hear you get hurt.
nevertheless, i couldnt do anything because you dont allow me to.
so i shall stand here in the rain,
just watching you bear the pain.
how my heart aches,
for i couldnt be a helping hand.
i want to make it better.
i'd give the world to you.
how i want to make you realise that its been there in front of you,
just waiting for you to reach it.
but you were too afraid.
afraid that it wouldnt be okay,
that everything will go all wrong,
and you'd be back to square one.
the words you utter doesnt make sense to your actions.
i am a friend.
and i'd rather hurt you then see anybody else do.
this is as honest as i will get.
and i hope you get to read this.
you are like your mother.
so stop and think, before you get any worse.
"you wont be like you mother/father"
you are acting like one, mama.

you were doing fine.
till i lost track of you.
you were having fun.
i didnt want to stop you.
then it start to get worse.
one after another.
you start to lose control.
let your emotions take control.
now i've really lost you.
you didnt seem to want to come back.
your body is here, yes.
but your heart, mind and soul drifts to liebe.

i do not hate him i dont. its you i hate. what are you doing?? hasnt he done enough?? remember what you say to me, that this is done and no more? so where did all those words go? it is just for show?? i am in no position to judge, but i have to say so that you know. yes, im a coward. i dont dare to say it in your face. maybe i didnt know how. i couldnt bear to see the look on your face when i do. i'd rather slit my throat and die.

im sorry i hurt you.

ELLA'S BAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

IPP

first day of inturnship.. surprises and more surprises each time.. haha.. i hope it gets better tomorrow and for the rest of the 11weeks.. if not, i'd have to go for a major therapy to excite my life..i made a good friend though despite whatever. she was fun, maybe because we had to be hyper to welcome back TeamSingapore at BrasBasah.. but she was funn.. another male colleague also very fun and funny.. i was carrying a big box filled with clappers and he didnt bother to help me, but help my supervisor instead who's only carrying 4plastics bags of whistles and flags and balloons.. and i stood there thought he would come and help me.. but he funny.. hahaha!! its was a good first day at work.. i really want to do something at my desk lahh!!! seriously!!! give me something to do so i wont think like im wasting my time there!!! gahhhhh!!!

im so gonna kill my bestfriend when i see her. seriously!!

okay, sleep time because i got 'work' tomorrow..
*smiles*

take me to a higher place,

where i know i'll be safe in your arms.

GOODBYE SIEW BOON!!

DONT FUCK AROUND AT VIETNAM YARR!!!

AHAHA!

the days at EPM

hiatus over

HIATUS OVER!!!
i can scream and jump and dance to exam-free till the nest semester.. woohooo!!! i have four days only to enjoy starting tomorrow before i start my attachment with SingaporeSportsCouncil.. which reminds me... i cannot bitch about the management, my pay, my workload or whatever they ask me to do there... haha. lets just say direct indirect approach is always the best.
*smiles widely*

so many things happenned the past week; and they couldnt pick the best time to happen during this stressful period of my life.. super frustrating.. and my computer is lagging now.. grrrr!!!

"... you know, i once met a girl that blew me off my feet.
she was pretty and sweet.
the curves at the right places.
a nice butt. nice figure. glittering eyes.
kissable cute lips. long lovely hair.
legs that make you go 'wow'...
she had a rather girly laughter but each time she laughs,
she opens her mouth wide. buruk ah.
she doesnt always sit properly.
snaps for no apparent reason.
has major mood swings.
irritates the hell out of me.
sometimes i feel like strangling her.
but yet she gave me love.
a kind of love i never felt.
she gave me everything she could.
she took care of me, loved me.
and did everything a wife would.
she's not perfect.
but she was my everything.
she was the only person that could bring me to heaven or hell.
the only one that i would listen to.
the only woman in my life.
she was my imperfect perfection.
all that i could ask for, i found it in her.
sometimes i falter.
i do stupid things and hurt her.
and it hurts me even more.
im not perfect either.
but i try to give her the perfect love.
i try my best.
she complained.
she blew her top at me.
she cursed and swore at me.
but yet i still love her so.
she was ridiculous, demanding, irritating.
yet so loveable that i cant help falling in love with her over and over again.
she was the love of my life.
and her name is Azirah; as it says on my chest.
the woman i love whole heartedly.
my life. my all. my baby girl forever.
baby, i love you...."

i love you too, bacin.

my desire

i just wanted to see her happy. to love and be loved. i showed her the path, lighten up abit and even led her through. but i wasnt prepared for the circumstances that follow. circumstances that is beyond my control and i couldnt do anything to help her. i feel helpless watching her as she cries her heart out for the man she loves. what am i to do? im at lost.

tonight, i just wish i could die. i would trade anything in the world to be going through what im feeling right now. i ran. to you. but u didnt catch me when i fall. i fell flat on the ground. bruised. why didnt you catch me? why did you left me lying, bleeding on the sideline? why?
am i not good enough? am i too demanding? am i nonsensical? what am i?

IM STILL ON HIATUS BY THE WAY.

JUST SOME UPDATES TO LET

MY BRAIN TO FUNCTION NORMALLY.

=)

did i mention there was a limo??=)

Here Without You
Three Doors Down

A hundred days had made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder
And I dont think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when Im dreaming of your face

Im here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
Im here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight its only you and me

The miles just keep rolling
as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated
but I hope it gets better as we go

Im here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
Im here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls, when its all said and done
it get hard but it wont take away my love

Im here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
Im here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

National Day

070808
i was thrill and scared at the same time. sheit! how to react to this??!! met Kak Aliss and Abg Dd at Bugis while shopping for gladiators. finally got them huh??

080808.
time to hit 8 million ToTo!! hahaa!! Bing say my numbers have the potential.. heheh!! well see... hahaha!! the Beijing Olympics is today, which only Mr Lionel is excited about (poor old man.. haha!).. my boyfriend clumsily dropped the spoon while putting it in his mouth.. the spoon actually did a twirl dance on his palms lahh!! how the hell you become bartender eh??!! haha.. spilled rice all over the table.. damn funny lahh! its the last day for project presentation. FINALLY!!! HURRAYYYYY!!!! exams here we come!!!! and IPP too!! heh. i love the dress lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! ACA IS FUCKING GOING NDP!!! I HATE HER LAHHH!! DAMN YOUUUUUU!!!

090808
the wedding was awesome though there was a bit screw up here and there but it was marvelous. my first time attending a Christian wedding. so different, different's good right?? haha. met Tim and Jasmin. took a cab to fetch Faith and Louisa aka mum, hehe. i was bloody nervous but i think it went well. the walk to the place was damn tiring.. me and Tim took turns carrying Faith because she was walking oh so slow and we were already late for the wedding.. turns out everyone was late too. as usual.. hahaha.. the bride was beautiful. the groom was smart mamat. the live band was awesome... the place was awesome. Jennifer brought us together eh baby *smiles*
met my girls to catch the fireworks after that. i just realized i didnt take a picture with my bestfriend.

arent they precious??

WRITER WILL BE BACK

SHE'S ON HIATUS

MUGGING FOR HER EXAMS

DO WISH HER WELL

GRADE POINT AVERAGE 3..

HERE SHE COME!

till the next time.

love melody and lyrics..
beautiful sounds of the violins collaborating with the piano and drums.
only a genius can put together a piece so soothing and harmonious.
indeed he was.
a living legend.
a pity i could see him in person.
it would be a true honor.
a splendid experience.

emotional rollercoaster is very bad for health. literally. i dont know what it is or how it came about... its like you must know/learn how to control your emotions/feelings and at the same time you musnt let it get the better of you, get it?? you must know when to control it and when to let it loose like a madwoman and everybody around you would run away from you. yeahhh.. hate that.

i love great music, great company, beautiful day, sandwiches and picnic baskets.
beautiful people with beautiful sense of fashion and styles.
i love SingFest!!!!

does she takes things too hard?

is she fragile?
a picture tells a thousand words.

paint one for me,will ya?

never gonna

its infuriating to sit here and listen to the sounds of bangs and stuff being thrown purposely just because that someone is upset/angry. i dont give a damn, seriously. i admit it i didnt do my part, i did want to. i just forgot. but all that doesnt matter, does it? it wont make a difference anyhooo.. but whatever. i have better things to do, to be mad about, to grumble about. i dont need this now. i dont. i cannot be bothered.

i had fun past three days. there was my 1st year annivesary on Friday, outing with boyfie on Saturday and SingFest on Sunday. its so funnnnnnnn!!! next week will be my last week out due to exams.. so party people!! calling calling meeeeeeee!! hahaha!!

i loveeeeee spending time with my boyfie.. although too much would just spell disaster sometimes.. but yeahh.. i love it. we didnt do anything exciting. it was simple and plain. nothin fancy or expensive. we spent quality time, enjoying each other's company and warmth. we havent seen each other this often, these three days.. and its nice. i love you baby.

making sandwiches and playing scrabble in the dark with the sounds of Jason Maraz, Panic at the Disco and Rick Astley playing at the background.. its so cooool lahhhh!!! the Pussys were awesome with their dance moves and cheeky intros.. damn i had to leave when Alicia Keys was performing. damn damn damn!!! im sooooo going next year if the line-up are as good as this year's. damn damn damn!! Zoukout ahh abehh??!!! haahhaha!!

i'll see you (Tim, Leia, Lynn, Diidi, Nad and some others) tootheads next week for National Day.

till the next year sayang.
*grins*

stagnant

its like standing on the streets of NewYorkCity..
all buzzing pass, but she's just standing there.
no emotions portray.
just there.
marching bands, chasing cars, models parade.
actors, singers, directors, producers.
all pass her by.
the best part was, no one noticed her.

emotionless.
stagnant.
this is scary.
hate this.

i cant wait for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
because it means : babyboy, babyboy, babyboy!!
*grins*
upset i never blogs about you right?? NAHHH!! AMEK KAUU!

i havent been eating right. i sleep like a log. i couldnt hear/feel any vibration from my phone(mind you its an old phone.. the vibration's damn loud/strong can?!?) unless i've woken up a few hours ago from my 'beauty' sleep. really, it aint a beauty. i didnt hear anything from my girlfriends. my world now evolves around school, boyfriend and family. im always damn tired. i appear enthusiastic for anything and everything. i just backed out of a Wii session with James and Raymond, whatthehell is wrong with me??!!! they are the most funnest people and i bail out on them!?! stupid or what, azi?!?im such a spoilt sport. really. i better start training for my Napfa. like seriously. first i have to get through my exams and pass with flying colours. damn, that is so secondary school....

i hate my life. im so fucking useless. my boyfriend's working is ass off and im spending his money. he has problems of his own damnit. im so fucking useless. i hate my life.

take me away,
put me in a box;
seal it up and dont let any air in for me to breathe.
maybe it'll get better then.

screaming and cursing on the sidewalk

Siti Nur Insyirah's the name. totally steal mine! hahah! i didnt have any picture but i do love the picture of her older, cepat merenyek and chubby sister. she's so damn cute. both of them. saw Haikal and Azlin on the way to the cinema... its been a while you two.. Daing (pronounced as Da-Ying.. haha), his wifey, Kenneth (AhBeng) and Kenneth (panjang.. he's really tall.. and you thouught im tall.. hahaha!!), boyfie and me watch DarkKnight, like finally.. haha.. it was draggy.. and some scenes i got the shock of my life, maybe because we were sitting in the first three rows!! came out witha stiff neck and aching bottom from the two and half hours show. i like the car better than the bike.. heh.

overshot my stop by four bus stops to be exact. it was dead hot and sunny. my RayBan didnt help. i should have taken my bubble bee one instead. walked back alongside AdamRd and headed up the gigantic slope that i failed running up on it. walked in the interview room (bowling alley), covered in both cold and hot sweat, suddenly being bombed with questions that i couldnt think of the answer and the word 'shit' keep coming out from my mouth!!! how the fuck am i suppose to get the job?!?! haha!!! it was fun!! hahahahaa!!! damn i never want to experience that again!

had a laugh with Khal, Kenny, Rachel, Philip, Charmain and Daryl while waiting for CRM lecture at 5pm.. i headed back to school after the interveiw.. im such a good girl.. and people say IM BAD!! tsk. hahaha! lesson learnt: eye, prey, spy, jump and GO!! HAHA! psycho killer.. lol

imissmybestfriendcanwegooutpleaseiknowihavetonsofworktodouggggghhhhhhhh!!!

cant wait for Friday! *winks*

essentials.